Sassyjan

2006-05-24T03:18:00.000+08:00

In case you are one of the dense ones... this post is for you.

I MOVE HOUSE LAH!

WWW.SASSYJAN.COM

P.s wah lau eh. sibei dense leh! buay tahan. click on the 'greener grounds' on my prev post den link there liao lor!

2006-05-20T04:48:00.000+08:00

Goodbye Bloggy...

It had been 2 years since I officially started blogging.
I begun writing this blog wanting my friends to know what I truly feel in me.
Nowadays... I feel as though I write this blog trying to hide what I truly feel in me.
It's amazing how things can transcend to what it is today from what it was just 'yesterday'.
I'm no longer gonna hide those real and true feelings.
This bloggy had been good while it lasted... Byebye.

*I'm moving to 'greener' grounds*

2006-05-19T15:45:00.000+08:00

Whinery Rant

I WANT TO DIAL-A-CHAR KUEY TIAO

AND A SUPER BLACK CARROT CAKE PLUS EXTRA EGG

AND A CHILLI CRAB!!!

*CRAVINGS!!!!*

P.S AHHHHHHHH!!!!! any dial a char kuay teow hotline around?!?!?!?!

2006-05-19T15:29:00.000+08:00

Random Rants

Was supposed to get my hair done yesterday,
but Liam had something on and we had to postpone our appointment.
So I packed my bag, and dragged myself to the pool after buying my movie ticket online.

10 laps later, I stood there staring into thin air.
Not that i'm totally exhausted yet. But I can feel something wrong with my swim strokes.
It's so under-utilised that it feels strange swimming again.
Just didn't feel the peace i usually get out of swimming...

So end up, instead of swimming, I was talking to Wong and Nathaniel for the next hour.
And then they informed me, coz of the latest SSC meeting, the competition is postponed till godknowswhen.
Which technically means, I either:
1) have ALOT of time to train,
2) don't have to train untiil much much much later.

I don't know what's my plans for that of yet,
but I know my muscles are aching and it really sucks.
10 laps and I'm aching. To think last time I do my 40 laps 5 times a week.
*sigh* I is the useless.

~ * ~

The other day my brother sms me to ask me for some help.
I have to say I am sometimes amused by how warped his logic is.
Then again, I'm known to be a person of warped logic too... so there...

He: Got work to rush. Help me.
Me: Today busy.
He: Holy Shit! Then I how?
Me: Why so last minute? Next time inform earlier.
He: Got 2 deadline coming up. Just got notice. I hear liao shit almost come out.
Me: Heh... Today cannot. Tomorrow.
He: Tomorrow can't. Meeting my friends for basketball.
Me: Oh... So now basketball is more important?
He: Of coz! Health is more important than anything!
Me: Shit you lah.

See... so idiotic one.
This kind of reasoning he also dare to tell me...

~ * ~

For some reasons, (which I often blame it on my own lousy memory,)
I always, Always forget people's birthday, and worse still... I don't realise it, and would wish them 1 day late.
It is the reason my friends always make me do the dirty job of asking the person direct when is their birthday...
coz everyone would forgive me for forgetting it because i have a loooooong history of forgetting birthdays.
But I've been trying pretty hard after the one too many times of commiting this 'crime'.

Like say.. Jassy, I called her 1 day late, in the afternoon and cheerfully wishes her without realising at all.
Kana chided for awhile for being so so so so so so late.
Then for Ben leh... I called him at the stroke of midnight to wish him Hapopy Birthday...
only to realise that i'm exactly one full day late and had just became the LAST person to wish him on his birthday.
Yan one ah... to be honest, I only realise when she messaged me to meet up then I remembered it's her birthday :X

Then ah... today... just one moment ago,
I suddenly realise Jiel's birthday is around the corner...
so i checked... and... damn TMD. Her birthday is yesterday leh!

Me: I'm so sorry, I know I'm late... but... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
She: It's okay lah. Good enough that you remember.

Eeeeeeee!!! I is lousy friend lah!!!
Can people please inform me one day in advance that their birthday is the next day?
I don't know what's wrong with me and birthdays!!
No wonder people forget mine too. *sigh*

~ * ~

I'm serious about removing my tagboard for good.
In fact... I think it's about time I put this blog 'To sleep'...
I've been blogging for just nearly 2 years.
And this blog had evolved from a mere wordy entry post, to crappy pics post to blah blah what it is today.

I often look back and laugh at my own childish and naive writings.
But it feels good to watch myself mature and grow over these years.
I probably still have a long way to go...

This blog would always be a part of my past and not my future.
As time went by, I found myself writing less of my serious thoughts and more of my more bimbotic side here...
Sometimes I feel limited in what I can write due to the 'audience' I now have in comparison to the past...
But many times, I feel really happy that there are so many people out there listening to this 'voice' of mine.

Tomorrow, my bloggy would officially be 2 years old.
And really... I think 2 years old is enough for this blog.
Maybe... I've really lose my sass from the past... *wry smile*

*thanks you all...*

2006-05-19T02:32:00.000+08:00

The Da Vinci Code

Out of pure curiosity at the public hype surrounding The Da Vinci Code movie,
I went ahead and bought myself a ticket.
It's been a long time since I had to book so much earlier to get a weekday evening ticket.
Especially one that has 5 timeslot back to back, and was still running full seating for every show.

To be honest, prior to this, I had never showed any interest for the book.
Then again, I seldom show interest for books beyond the size of my handbag.
It just don't quite fit you know...

Neither had I heard much discussions with regards to the book.
Other than Jassy telling me something about Sex being a guy's way of 'communicating' with God...
(So wth lah! Imagine guy come to you 'I need to talk to God tonight. Would you pls spread?' Why can't it be the other way round? :X )
And telling me that the Da Vince Code book is writing the 'truth'.
I read that small portion in the book when she showed me and was quite taken aback.
My interest grew coz it is related to my faith.
And I for one, hold on very strongly to my faith.
(The believe that is. Practising them is another thing altogether :X )

So I smuggled sushi, chicken steak, apple juice, bought cheese nachos and had dinner while watching the movie.
2 hours later, I walked out with endless questions in my head... Oh! and a whole barrel of salt.
How can whatever they said be the 'truth'?

So I spent my whole night AND midnight researching, reading up on the many questions that I had,
and... Sorry, gotta interrupt the serious thoughts and scold someone first.
WAH LAU EH JAS! THIS IS A NOVEL LEH! You tell me everything inside is true! #%^$(&@#%*
If you tell me it's a novel I won't be so bothered liao lah!! Coz you tell me it's true ah,
I was so frigging disturbed, then research and read up on it for the whole night okay! GRRRRRR!!!

Anyway, I don't quite agree with the character's interpretation of the gospels.
Especially about the part about Jesus being married to Mary Magdalene and conceiving a child.
I've read through all the relevant scriptures and I believe strongly against Dan Brown's intepretations.
Not that having been married or conceiving would had made Jesus any less 'qualified' as our God,
but that there is absolutely no biblical proof that he had been married lah. let alone got offspring.

Whatever it is, this movie/novel does not sway my faith.
It only got me more interested in the historical proofs and facts revolving around God and the bible.
It roused alot of curiousity in me and now I'm actually dying to go read up and... Visit Britain!!! hahahahah
Okay, whatever it is, I have to say I quite enjoyed the movie though it's not something I would typically watch.
Then again, I've never read the book, so I can't quite gauge a review.
Do go catch it though. Alot of 'food for thought' stuffs in there :)

*Crashing into bed... zZzZZZzz*

2006-05-18T14:32:00.000+08:00

Unexpected Treat

Jassy gave me a call yesterday.
Apparently her mom wants to go for a short trip.
And her mom wants her to go along.
But she doesn't want to go coz... er... probably scared boring or watever ba.

So Jassy made a suggestion and her bent-on-making-her-go mom accepted the deal.
And the deal is... she would go if I am going along.
And since I'm not quite keen on it... her mom offered to pay for it so that I would go... so that Jassy would go.
Thus... now... I'm due for a free trip with Jassy. hahahah
Nowhere far lah. Just a short little trip to somewhere nearby sometime soon :D

Out of nowhere also got freebie fall out from the sky.
I think my blog should not be called 'Asking for the Sky'.. should be call 'Fall out from the Sky'.
Too many nice people around me liao. *grins from ear to ear*

Come to think of it...
Hm... it might just be payment for my 'job stint'. hahaha

*Dum dee Di dum Dum*

P.s *sulks* recently keep seeing '0 comments'. must be my blog very boring liao *sulks*

2006-05-18T01:55:00.000+08:00

In love...

with my favourite musician... Kevin Kern.

Flipping through the papers after the awful morning, and saw the little notice.
Kevin Kern - Imagination's Light Tour... today... at the Esplanade.
I missed it the last time he came by and I regretted with every fibre of my heart.
I had made a promise to go when he comes by again.
And so I did.

It felt so good seeing and hearing him live.
The euphoria I felt was beyond what words can describe...

His music was there for me through vulnerable moments, my happy moments, my lonely moments...
It's on my default playlist whenever I need a break from the world and be in touch with myself.
So hearing him live was like feeling a playback of all the emotions I had felt.
And of coz, hearing his emotions in all these wonderful pieces he created.
I felt the tears slip out of my eyes at certain points...

The concert was just so so so beautiful.
I wish I can re-live the whole experience again.
The intense memories of the concert I would bring along in my heart,
so whenever I hear his pieces again, I would be able to feel that moment in that ambience.

I feel so at peace.
So comfortable...

Would like to share the music with you all :)
He's without a doubt, my favourite musician... do check out his new album.
Here's two of the pieces he performed to perfection at the concert itself.

Keepers of Flame - Imagination Light

A Million Stars - Winding Path

Close your eyes and feel the emotions in it.
I feel alot for the song - A Million Stars.
It's Kevin Kern's intepretation of how a night full of stars would be like, on the piano.
In his world of darkness (He's blind), this is how he imagine the scene to be like... He calls it sound painting.

Hope you would love it as much as I do :)

*Utter bliss*

2006-05-17T10:32:00.000+08:00

Bad Mood

Having the great grandmother of all bad moods.
Everything is not going my way.
And the whole morning had been screwed up, down, left, right and more problems strewn my way.
Do me a favour, if there's nothing good or nice to say to me today,
Please, just don't say anything anymore.

~ * ~

Yesterday, I told my mom I would go for a swim today.
She laughed and said today morning cannot wash clothes then...
Coz everytime I want to go swimming, sure end up raining.

So this morning, I woke myself up at the wee hours of 7am,
jumped into my swimsuit, converse jacket, shorts and slippers,
laughed to my mom about it being a very clear morning,
and headed down to the pool.

To my utter surprise and piss-ness, the swimming pool was closed!
But I was determined to get myself started with working out today,
so I headed down to the next nearest swimming complex.
AND TMD! That one also closed!
That was when I took a closer look at the notice and realise that ALL SSC pool are closed today till 3pm.

I was and AM so frigging pek chek lah!
Specially wake up so damn early today today to get started on the training... THEN LIDAT!!!
I come home and my mom just kept laughing about it. *pooi*

Then I check my mail and some arsehat emailed me some arse of an email:

ms typical early-twenties-Singaporean-girl,

in case you really are angsting about the issues you seem to be angsting about on your blog
(and not merely bringing attention to them in a bid to endear),
there are a few things i would like to point out:

you claim to be bilingual: i don't know how your Chinese is,
but your English is really bad - why not just do point form, that would disguise your lack of fluency in prose.

I don't know how you look in real life, but your photos are pretty bad.

I don't know what other music you like, but admitting to Richard Claydermen in public...it's pretty bad.

I'm writing this to you because while i was reading your blog (stumbled on it) I realised you really haven't a clue,
especially for someone who is laying such strong claims to 'sassiness' (it was this the drove me to write you)...

My suggestion to you: read.
and i don't mean the Straits Times and chick lit (note: NOT "chick lit novel") and women's magazines.

In the meantime i am working on an instruction manual on what is Just Not Done
and would gladly dispatch a draft to you if I do manage to finish it.

On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with being so sweetly delusional...

Stranger.
seenaround@excite.com

TA MA DE YOU! I am usually very refined and poised.
But today I'm in a very bad mood over alot of things and you just had to choose today to irritate me.
I don't know how good your English is, but dissing how I use my english in MY DIARY is going overboard okay.
Just because I don't write here in perfect oxford worthy Eng does not make my language inadequate in comparison to others.
For your information, part of my prev job included doing ads and writing press releases and stuffs.
If my writings are worthy for official co. work and my language is good enough to do hosting,
it is good enough to write my little blog in my favourite broken singlish.

And look faggot, I don't see anything wrong my appearance, let alone my personal taste in music.
I know if I go on, I would be cursing and swearing at you.
If you're so farking fabulous, go write your own blog and grow your own snobbish little club.
Btw, I've read enough emails in the past years of my blogger life to see yours as a way of snubbing me to gain attention.
On a good day, I would had seen through your trick and deleted your email without second thought.
But today I just feel like telling you, FARK OFF.

*stomps around the house screaming at the top of my lungs*

2006-05-16T18:44:00.000+08:00

A day in the life of an After-hour teacher

So you primary and secondary school students just finish your exams eh?
While you're worrying about your results, your teachers are worrying about marking your papers.
Me being the nice, kind soul that I am, volunteered to help Jassy with her workload.
But being the long-left-studies-and-can't-recall-a-shit lady of leisure that I am, I can only help her with marking MCQs.

Anyway, Jassy and I met yesterday in town and headed down to Coffee Club at Taka to catch up over tea.
After the initial yakking, we got down to work :D

Personally, I'm a big fan of Coffee Club.
Not of their food or anything, but of their decor and very strategically located outlets.
Plus, they have my favourite Rose Bud Tea and a whole range of desserts :)

Whether I'm at Raffles Place watching the executive crowd,
Holland watching the laid-back chillers or Orchard watching the shopping goers,
I always find myself smiling when I'm there sipping my tea and minding my own business.

Anyway, this is my first set of papers to mark.
And the only time I saw a score that 'Can Make It'.
The rest of the stack... the results ah... *shakes head many many times*

Nothing interesting there. Coz MCQ, got nothing to laugh about.
I could memorise the entire answer key after marking 2 classes of it.
Jassy on the other hand had some interesting answers on her side that we giggled and laughed about.
In my opinion, this is one of the funniest... hahah

If you still remember your atoms and molecules chapter in Science,
I'm sure you'll be giggling too. Apple and Orange Juice. hahahaha...
There were a couple of density EYA answers that we giggled over too.
One unforgetable one is how the 'swimming POO has less salt than sea water.' lol

I was joking to Jassy that if being a teacher is all about marking papers, I might just consider doing that for awhile.
Then I thought, hey, just like how I don't mind marking but don't have the patience to teach kids,
I'm sure there are teachers who like teaching but don't like the marking at all...
So surely there must be some teachers out there who want someone to do their marking part of the job right?
I told Jassy to recommend me some teachers who interested to pay me to mark papers. whahahahahaahah

Anyway, it was soon time for dinner and we headed to Wisma's Din Tai Feng for dinner.
The service there was definitely lacking in comparison to the one at Paragon.
The menu however seemed more extensive...
Though they seem to have a few items in the menu which they had 'ran out' of.

I insisted on having some greens, thus...
(Somehow, I find it hard to have a meal if I don't have any veggie intake. Like as if something lacking.)
Our first dish, Sesame spinach. Pretty fabulous!

And of course, at Din Tai Feng sure have to order their signature Xiao Long Bao.
I'm pretty sure jassy and I had conquered almost every single different sort of Baos that they have there, over this year.
But yesterday tummy not all that hungry, so had a small little basket only.

Jassy was craving for something soupy, and had their Chicken Soup noodle.
I like their clear soup there. Very light, not too salty or anything one :)

As for me, I was craving for something saucy. haha...
Sauce-cey. yup... so there, Mince Pork and Mushroom Noodle.

The meal was pretty good lah.
And to be honest, if it's not for Jas, there won't be so many photos of food.
I can't be a food blogger one. Because by the time I remember to take photos, the food finish liao :D
Too much of a glutton here!

Alritey, gonna end here and go crash early today.
Have plans to wake up awfully early tomorrow to go work out my lazy body.
I'm very very very sick of feeling fat in everything that I wear. so there...

*Nitey!*

P.s I <3 my new cam! Can finally take nice decent photos!! hehehehehehe

2006-05-16T02:16:00.000+08:00

About trust... and the pasts...

Trust: (Noun) Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.

The thing about trust is... it is not easily gained overnight.
But it can easily be lost overnight.
And earning back that very same trust again, is gonna be a very tough one.

I have this thing in me that makes me give full trust to people if they had not failed me.
And I would work the trust backwards from there.
Every lie or whatever would bring down the level of trust I have for the person,
until eventually it reach a level that I decide - this person is not worth knowing.

To me, in a relationship, the fundamental thing between two is trust.
Trusting the love, the faithfulness, the commitment... etc.
If there is no trust, there is just no point going on.
I give my partner 100% trust, always tell myself not to doubt, and chide myself if I do,
because I know the slightest doubt and distrust can ruin a relationship.

Sometime back I wrote about an incident which happened in my life.
I just thought I would share it again:

I remember I was once left in the house while the guy left for a trip to the office.
It was sweet of him to let me to sleep in while he go get busy isn't it?
So when my gerfren msged me and I told her I was over at his place,
she asked y am I not looking around... you know, find out more about him and stuffs.
I lied on the bed wondering for a moment on why I didn't...

And I realised that I just couldn't.
You know, here's this guy who trust you enough to leave you at his place.
And for a relationship to even go to That level of trust, I suppose it should be two way. No?
It's like... how would I like it if someone looked through all my stuffs without my permission,
and then proceed to size me up with their little dicoveries among my belongings or watsoever.
I always believe we should never do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you.

so I replied my gerfren's sms saying that I was doing none of that,
proceeded to keep the DVD that we were watching the night before, back into his CD case,
and headed straight back to bed till he came home and woke me up.

Just thinking back, I felt good about myself for not acting like an insecured freak that day.
You know people always say you won't know how you'll react till you're put in the situation:)
At least I know I was in that situation before, and I did none of that crap.

I recall a guyfriend who once told me that his girlfriend looked through his msn logs.
And so like DUH! He couldn't accept that. I see where he was coming from of coz.
There you are leaving a woman you trust in your house, and her insecurity takes the better of her,
and she starts to try to dig for your dirty secrets or proofs of your infidelity.
Hey ladies (some of you, at least), get a grip on yourself already!

Anyway, the above scenario is not just for ladies alright.
It goes both ways. You just HAVE to trust each other!
Isn't it what brought you both together in the first place?

I heard this bullshit statement that went like this:
'I trust you, I just don't trust the devil inside of you.'

Hello! If you trust someone, you trust someone.
If you don't, you don't.
You don't bullshit the person with this oxymoron that make the person sound like he/she's at fault.
Even if there IS distrust, it should stem from valid grounds.
E.g. Because the person had a history of cheating/lying on you.
Not from some self assumed warped up reasons.

Personally, I am a person who would not rake up the past.
Just give me some basic background information, and I'm fine.
Don't feed me with the details. I don't need to know.
Keep your history and secrets with your ex to yourself.
Coz if I ever become an ex, I want to know I can trust you with our secrets.

I don't want to know not because I don't care.
But because I trust that the past is not something I would need to be concerned about anymore.
I watch as my girlfriends suffer and put up the 'I am fine, I really don't mind,' act,
when they hear their partner's history, in blatant in-depth details.
Why put each other through that and pretend you can handle this transparency?
Why not leave the dead buried?
Don't even get me started on why are you even 'pretending to be okay' and 'acting fine' when you're not.
Then again, don't even get me started on the why are you not okay with the past when you're the present.

Whatever it is, I just want to say, if you can't trust each other.
If you both really can't leave the past alone,
whether the past is your partner's past relationship or you both's past misgivings about each other,
Break up okay? Just move on.
I know it's easier said than done, no one said moving on is easy.
But what for you go on trying to make the relationship work when you don't even have the fundamental Trust?

*Sigh... To the one this post is meant for, We're here for you.. Hug*

Disclaimer: If you guys want to corner me about how I almost spill all about my ex,
then I just have to say, if you had that psychotic an ex, you would be out giving flyers to warn others of him.
I'm not one to kiss and tell, but I can't watch another woman going down that near suicidal path.

2006-05-15T03:32:00.000+08:00

RANT RANT RANT

Oh gawd.
Is there anyone out there who knows how to edit video clips with iMovie?
Or is there a more idiot proof mac compatible video editer out there?
I was so excitedly trying to put together a video clip for you guy's viewing pleasure.
My virgin attempt proved futile.
I dun wan to remain a virgin forever.
Can some hero/heroine please email me if u is kind?

~ * ~

Wong, my ex swimming coach called me over the weekend.
I haven't seen him for a long time coz I had not swam for a LONG LONG LONG LONG time...

He: Hello. Competition. Interested?
Me: No. I am fat. Dowan.
He: Train. New team. I want an extra reserve team.
Me: Siao. you first day know me ah. no. no training. die die wun go.
He: okay. u no need come. u self train.
Me: Lidat ah. but i really fat now.
He: dun bullshit. u got more than 1 month.
Me: whatever lah. lose liao u dun blame me.

So now, for no reason, i got myself involve again.
i just did my manicure leh. once i swim den gone liao lor.
if train means i cannot do my nails liao leh. if not waste money only.
then again, i've been meaning to lose weight for the longest time. *brightens up*
augh... i might burst out of my swimming costume lor. *whines*

~ * ~

i is tired now.
family gathering earlier.
eat like siao. damn bloated.
hard to sleep lidat.

IT show coming soon again.
looking out for good hosting lobangs.
feel free to refer jobs. i aiming for big brands this time :D

got a whole bunch of things i need to do.
truckloads of email to send/reply.
tomorrow is the busy in the day time. sian.
got.to.wake.early.mannnn.

*worrying abt shitloads of crap*

P.s Please money. Please fall down from the sky. *do the rain dance*

2006-05-14T00:06:00.000+08:00

If mom was there...

Sometime back, Dad got me to buy tickets to Frances Yip and The Singapore Chinese Orchestra Performance.
It was suppose to be a rare special night out for my mom and him.
But yesterday, Dad said he had work commitments and couldn't make it tonight.
I could see my mom's disappointment.
Not that she particularly wanted to watch it, but that she would have to find someone else to go.

So mom dressed up to the nines, went with one of her girlfriends while I babysit my sis for her.
Sis and I waited for my dad to come home to headed out for dinner together.
Dad kept asking what time the thing end, and kept checking his watch.
I could see my dad's hidden anxiety.
Wondering would it be end very late, would mom be okay with coming home alone.

It's a little heart warming to see how how after so many decades of being married,
they still have so much care and concern for each other.
My parents are the typical chinese type of parents, don't display much affections and all one...
But through their actions, they often betray their love hidden behind those sharp jibing words to each other.

So anyway, went out to Siam Restaurant to have dinner.
Then went to walk around before we head home.
My family routinely does this walking around thing after meals.
Dad just don't like to head home right after meals.

So as routinely as our walking routine goes, we always end up at a supermarket doing grocery shopping.
Dad'd favourite grocery shopping place is at IMM's Giant. Humongously big place, Bustling with people.
Anyway, before I digress. So we were walking shelves after shelves after shelves when dad saw those frozen satay packs.
He was reading the bbq insructions, then I said, 'cook this thing at home sure get scolded by mommy one.'
He looked up at me with a grin and said, 'Aiyah. just buy to play play only mah.'
Then he look at it for awhile more, and then he put it back.
If mom was there, she would had nagged no end, and dad would had just bought it just to make her annoyed.

Then we went by his favourite Cadbury chocs shelves and he hesitated whether or not to buy.
He starting choosing between the macademia nuts or those berries or whats not one.
Then my sister started picking around.
Then suddenly dad put everything back and muttered, 'Aiyah. Better not. all fat liao.'
If mom was there, she would had nagged no end, and dad would had just bought it just to make her annoyed.

Then before we could continue shopping any further.
Dad decided to put the grocery shopping to a stop.
So unlike him to end shopping after just 8 items were picked out.
We usually have a whole trolley full of groceries when mom is around.
Dad obviously is not used to not having mom around when we do grocery shopping.

We were walking around when we saw this store selling chinese books.
So dad and I started looking around. We bought a book each and my sister came with 2 books.
As we were walking out I said, 'Wendy got a habit of buying books and not reading them one leh.'
Then my dad turned to my sis with a deep frown and said,
'You ah! Always make me get scolded by your mother. Always ask me to buy books then you don't read!'
Then I thought, If mom was there, she would had nagged no end,
and dad would had just bought it just to make her annoyed anyway. hahaha

As we left the place, I said, 'Today moon very round hor. See beside the moon got one satellite.'
My dad explained to my sister how a satellite is shot up to the solar system and stuffs.
Then she asked, 'Can we shoot a plastic bag up there? so everytime i look up i can see the plastic bag swaying.'
If mom was there, she would had chided her for 'talking rubbish',
and dad would had told my sister she can shoot anything she wants up there.

I miss having mom around already.
I just called her to check where is she and she says she's just on her way back.
12 Midnight liao leh. Mom very seldom come home so late one.
Will wait up for her. (Though I figured dad would be waiting even if I don't)

*dum di dee dum dum*

P.s When I called, mom asked, 'Why? you want to come pick me up ah? Go get your driving license can!'
Oh well... Time to do something about THAT driving license.

2006-05-12T16:10:00.000+08:00

Seven more things about me...

Blog surf around and saw this in Tetanus's sidebar.
Found it interesting and ripped it off to gave it a go.

Seven dreams before I die:
1. Travel to every continent in the world.
2. Pick up a third language.
3. Be a wonderful cook. (not as a job. cook for family, friends)
4. Get my driving license & have my own car.
5. Own a small cafe.
6. Design and make a wardrobe full of clothes.
7. Get married & live happily ever after with the man I love.

Seven things I can't do in this lifetime:
1. Be career minded.
2. Forsake my family.
3. Drop all my friends.
4. Commit suicide.
5. Live alone forever.
6. Erase my past.
7. Eat and drink my own shit/urine. (wah lau. i can't think of what to write liao lah)

Seven things that attract me:
1. Charming eyes.
2. Smiles.
3. Perky butts.
4. Men's cologne.
5. Big boobs. (On a woman. Thans kew.)
6. Intellect.
7. Patience.

Seven things I say:
1. 'Hahahaha..' or 'hehehehe' or 'whahahaha'
2. 'Oh well...'
3. 'I guess...'
4. 'Anyting.'
5. 'Nevermind.'
6. 'What the heow?'
7. 'Ta Ma De.'

Seven books that I love:
1. The Unique Woman - Edwin Louis Cole
2. Heidi - Johanna Spyri
3. Shakespeare's tragic plays.
4. Literature Proses.
5. Patricia Scanlan & Sophie Kinsella's Chick Lits.
6. Thrashy chinese romance novels.
7. The Mills and Boons series *blush*

Seven movies that I've loved:
1. Moulin Rouge
2. Cold Mountain
3. Titanic
4. So Close
5. Perhaps Love
6. If you had not already realised, i only like very tragic romance movies.. (no this is not a movie title)
7. -

*Whad are ur se7ens?*

2006-05-10T20:05:00.000+08:00

Can't tell lies for nuts...

I think i must be a really bad liar.
Was helping my brother with some of his work.
Noticed he had MIRC on, so i changed a nick and went to see see the irc.
This is the first guy to message me.
A few lines exchanged and then my cover blown liao.

mike28: hi darling
mike28: u wear cup b.. ?
sassy: cup d
mike28: !!!!!
mike28: me 172cm75kg u darling?
mike28: i at pasir ris, drives, consider mit me?
sassy: 166 54
sassy: no sorry. juz here to have fun.
mike28: so slim yet cup d?
mike28: u probably a guy hahha
mike28: bye
mike28: try another htwt nex time for cup d
mike28: 166...65kg more like it
sassy: isit
sassy: anyway i'm a ger
sassy: but playing a fool here. hahaha
mike28: yah, ggd try though :)
sassy: first time on irc after many yrs
mike28: can tell :) hav fun

Wah lau. I is bad at this man. whahahah
I have a guy teaching me how to be the right type of woman.
Blardy hell. Social expectations of us women now really very high.
Damn the marketers who market the insane image of the seemingly Perfect Woman.

*I IS FAT*

2006-05-10T14:56:00.000+08:00

Some photos

Remember the photo shot Barffie did for me?
I put up 2 random pictures then coz the rest were not ready for public viewing then, due to model's request. whahahaha.
So anyway, here are a few more...
Actually still got alot, but I've always maintained that I would not and would never post up too revealing pictures.
And this photoshot had just one too many photos that fell under that No-go-zone category.

So there... It's very natural look kind of feeling, very casual... and... sensual?
I love how flawless I look in the pictures aven with quite light makeup.
Barffie didn't even use any lighting. Just natural sunlight and camera flash :) She's good man!

I tell you ah. It's not easy taking nice shots of me coz I'm not a good model.
I can't pose for nuts and I have alot of fat angles. bleah...
btw, the photos are NOT elongated or anything okay. It's just camera angels and all.
I once heard that it's VERY VERY VERY rude to anyhow crop a photographer's picture.
But hor... I really like this picture and the other half of the picture should really NOT be seen.
So i risk kana curse and swear by Barffie to show you guys this pic k!

I just like how I managed to pull off that expression.
Very rare okay! I was laughing all the time it was so so difficult to get me to have a actual capturable expression.

Anyway, many thanks again to Barffie for this whole photo shoot.
I'm sure she'll thank me back for being her first model.
so Barffie, you thank me and i thank you so now we equal liao okay? HAHAHA

*Wad dya tink?*

P.s it's my first time taking these type of photos lah. so... don't comment say i am bad or wat okay?
Comment on the photography instead. thankew :)

2006-05-10T09:16:00.000+08:00

Elated

After weeks and weeks of planning and preparing,
it was finally done and executed.
I sat down for the longest time, just gazing on and smiling to myself.
The satisfaction...

~ * ~

I was writing on and I stopped halfway and deleted the bulk of this entry.
There are so many things I want to write about.
So many things I want to say and I can't, so many things I want to voice out but I can't.
Sometimes I feel 'trapped' when I want to write here.
That invisible force... *sigh*

Whatever it is, I am happy today.
And I would be happy.

*Immense virtual suffocation*

2006-05-09T01:59:00.000+08:00

More rants

I lost an important receipt and was searching all over for it.
So i dig through ALL my bags, ALL my paper bags, ALL my cupboard...
And 30min later, I emerge with a truckload worth of receipts which reminded me of all my sinful indulgences.
I am terribly terribly guilty of these stack especially!!

Not tangible one leh!!
I cannot even look at the dress/shoe/watever and grin about my silly impulse.
I just look at these and think of all the money I could had spent on better things.
WHY I TAKE SO MUCH CABS THIS YEAR!!!
No kidding you, that stack of cab fare total up to more than 450 buckaroos...
and these are receipts that I requested for and can still find.
I can't imagine if I add in the many times i didn't bother asking for receipts or the receipts i threw away!
Don't even dare to pass it to my dad for him to add to his expenditure for his co's tax relief (or duno simi sai).

I is ashame of myself.
No one is more ashame of me than myself :(((

Then I found this receipt too.
Kbox one... 157 buckaroos. Can claim Kbox points leh.
I don't like kbox one. who got the membership want to claim the free points?
valid till 14 may only hor. so yea... make some noise if you want it. else i throw away liao.

*sigh* I say I broke nobody believe one.
But i really broke liao man. *WHINES*
Sometimes i wish i can just cover up the deep hole i had dug for myself.
me is hen mei you yong :(

If I vanish into thin air dun noe got people would notice anot.
maybe a few months or years later then they, 'HUH? she disappear?' isit? dun noe leh. none of my business'..
it's damn sad to have to doubt your own existant. so i guess rather then doubt it, i should prove it.
like... make some announcements that i still alive or something.
maybe i'm too subtle. *mutters to self*

Just wondering... if I were to go overseas and stay there for good in the short/long term, would anyone actually miss me?
whether i would actually do that or miss anyone is another story lah. but... if i were to go, would there be a difference?
Perhaps life still goes on for everyone. Afterall...
I'm just janise.

*nonexistantlittlejanise*

P.s *SULKS* this is what crazy hormones can do to woman.

2006-05-08T13:39:00.000+08:00

Some rants about my opinions on uh.. our gahmen

Mom had been talking about using the progress package money to go on a trip with her sis.
She was asking for my opinion on where she should go and all...
So when I woke up early today, we discussed as I headed to the market to do grocery shopping with her..

Me: Huh... Don't spend it i tell you...
Mom: Why not.. Government give us money then we spend lah.
Me: Government give money out before elections, after elections would come back with vengeance one man...
Mom: Yah lor... Give us little little bit then take back double.
Me: The last time GST go up 2% after elections leh. This time go up another 2 den GST 7% liao leh.
Mom: HUH?! WHEN SAY GO UP ANOTHER 2%? I knew it! This government ah! No good one, that's y i vote for.. ...
Me: HAHAHAAA!! Haven't go up yet lah. I say if only lah. But who knows..

So now I see... mom also don't have very positive sentiments on our government.
Daddy even more don't need to say.
More than 3/4 of the above 40 age group of men I know all vote for the opposition one.
Maybe it's the NS or something. Heard last time very xiong one.

I was telling mom that if I was giving a choice to pick one other nearby country to live in,
or given a choice to pick one nearby government to run us,
or given a choice to pick one other PM to run Singapore,
I would no doubt stick to Singapore and our systems.

Sure there are things that can be improved, but still... I can't imagine Singapore without our current government.
Then again, I'm pretty glad the oppositions won 2 seats.
As *cough* pathetic *cough* it may be to get only 2 out of 84 seats, it is a start.
Let's hope the people in the 2 seats make some real noise in that place on behalf of us.

In the mean time, I would go buy somemore things before the GST goes up again.
HAHAHA. what a perfect excuse to shop more now.

*dum di dee dum dum deee*

2006-05-08T02:14:00.000+08:00

Very Random Rant

Recently cannot write anything good.
Somehow I think my brain is screwed.
That or I'm no long inspired by things around me.

*prance around and whines at the top of my voice*

someone ask me why am i so anal about privacy.
why am i so 'closed' and clammed up.
someone ask me why i got private blog when i got this blog.
why my that private blog still got people read one.
someone ask me why my this blog template so ugly.
why got so many stoopit pop ups.
someone ask me why i can sit behind and keep quiet for so long.
why i never make noise.
someone ask me why i never reply my emails.
why i am so dao.

I don't know.
I think really don't know.
Am I really answerable ob my blog to all these questions?

Sometimes I just want to smile and say, 'I guess that's just me...'
But sometimes I just feel like screaming as I wonder why there are so many 'why(s)' in this world.
I'm not getting philosophical lah. Don't worry...

Anyway, had this fantabulous dinner at Saint Pierre the other day.
The food there was so so so so so good that 'good' is a total understatement.
Coz of the atmosphere and the company I was with that night, taking photo was just a super suaku act, so.. no photos.
I guess I miss social dinners where I get to talk and learn more about the things I am so green to.
Many times, one can learn so much more in one night than from weeks of couping up in the room.
And I still can't believe I ate the 180 buckaroos steak.
I cracked a joke about not wanting to shit ever again when dad said whatever goes in still come out as shit in the end.
still, i think i would die a satisfied and happy fat woman.

Yvonne is planning on another trip to Bali in July.
'Oi! Save up and join me hor!' were her exact words.
I look at my bank account and I'm like... 'Uh... swim there will take how long huh?'
Sibei sian. I need to find more lucrative ways of making money liao.
Like actually doing a full time job.
When I'm in a better condition, I would write a proper post to remind myself of what I want or am looking for.
Then you guys can help me look and see if there are some good openings around.
This 2 days really not feeling all too well. Body damn weak.

Sometimes, I really think sassyjan is very stoopit.
as in the name 'sassyjan' lah. not me. i is so the brilliant.
Yea... so i was sayng i tink sassyjan is so stoopit.
i very sassy meh?
but if i'm not sassy, who is sassy leh?
who else can claim to be more sassy huh?
no one right. i think so lah.
anyway, today not feeling sassy also.
feeling fat.

*today feeling fat. yea... confirm. feeling very very fat.*

2006-05-06T23:19:00.000+08:00

Quiz Shite...

Feeling pretty empty up there again.
Can't quite think of what to write, so I did some blog surfing and did some quizzes that I came across.
One led to another and yea... I thought some of them are pretty true of me, so there..
I wonder how are quizzes done up. And how accurate are these quizzes on reflecting our inner self.
Anyway, give them a try. I personally like reading these 'Personality Reviews' :)

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You give completely and unconditionally in relationships. You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

Your Values Profile

Loyalty:

You value loyalty a fair amount.
You're loyal to your friends... to a point.
But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties.
Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself.

Honesty:

You value honesty a fair amount.
You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it.
If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it.
In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity."

Generosity:

You value generosity a fair amount.
You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take.
Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need.
But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"!

Humility:

You value humility a fair amount.
You tend to be an easy going, humble person.
But occasionally your ego takes over.
You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best.

Tolerance:

You value tolerance a fair amount.
You are open to new cultures, beliefs, and ideas.
You have very few prejudices that you're aware of.
And while you are tolerant, you do stand true to what you believe.

The Five Factor Values Test

You Are Rain

You can be warm and sexy. Or cold and unwelcoming.
Either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you.

You are best known for: your touch

What Type of Weather Are You?

How You Life Your Life

You are honest and direct. You tell it like it is. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Your Blog Should Be Blue

Your blog is a peaceful, calming force in the blogosphere.
You tend to avoid conflict - you're more likely to share than rant. From your social causes to cute pet photos, your life is a (mostly) open book.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

There... I knew it.
My blog is in the right color :D

*stare at the ceiling*

2006-05-05T13:22:00.000+08:00

I...

I had be quite busy, yet very free recently.
And for some reasons, am having a hard time trying to put my thoughts into words.
Very often, I stare at my lappy screen and wonder what's there that I want to write?
There are no thoughts in my head, no emotions, no anything that usually triggers me to write.
In moments of nothingness I can write nothing.
Perhaps this is what they call a blogger's block.
And so I guess Titania's tag of the I... meme came at the right moment :)

~ * ~

I AM: simple... yet complicated.
I WANT: fulfillment.
I WISH: (at this moment) i have more money.
I HATE: noise. (thrashy music, gossips, screamings are all noise to me)
I MISS: the familiar feeling of unfamiliarity in a foreign place.
I FEAR: losing my love ones.
I HEAR: alot of concerned voices.
I WONDER: who I will spend the rest of my life with.
I REGRET: nothing.
I AM NOT: who I was.
I DANCE: to my own rhythm in life.
I SING: when I need to drown out the voices in my head.
I CRY: alone.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: as difficult as I may seem to be.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: gifts for the people I care for.
I WRITE: to remember what I had once felt.
I CONFUSE: my own optimistic thoughts with my delusional thoughts.
I NEED: to learn to love myself more.
I SHOULD: stop my extravagant spending ways.
I START: by putting in all I have.
I FINISH: wondering if I've lost something along the way.
I LOVE: living in my dreams.
I REMEMBER: all that I had lost.

I tag: All the delusional people who reads me.

~ * ~

I... I wish I knew more love...

*jaded*

2006-05-04T11:53:00.000+08:00

Mister Singapore 2006

I tell you...
Let's just all move out of Singapore.
You people huh. always criticise our Ms Singapore this one no good that one no good.
YOU THINK THAT STANDARD IS CALLED BAD?!!?!?!

Now, THIS IS BAD. THIS IS THE WORSTEST LIST I HAD EVAR SEEN since...
since.. since that IMO channel 8? U? freak show.

*sobzzz... There is really no hope for the human race!*

2006-05-04T02:17:00.000+08:00

Quirky

Some thing that I do, had often raised some eyebrows among my friends.
Normally, they say I'm weird or strange.
And then I would cut them off and insist that they use the word 'unique'.

I know there are quite a handful of quirky traits about me which are not necessarily positive.
And some of these habits are not necessarily healthy or normal.
But still, this is what makes me, Me.
All these quirky habits, all these warped rules, all these random thoughts...
They make me the Me that probably does not exist in others.

To be honest, many times, I don't notice that I am doing something out of the ordinary until I am told.
Then I would realise, 'Oh... so... This is not how people usually do things?'
But more often than not, I still do it my way. I guess I am stubborn that way somtimes.
I don't understand why I am deemed the 'not normal one'.
Why can't it be everyone else is not normal and I'm the only normal one?
There... Food for thought.

Anyway, I was lying on my bed sifting through photos, thinking of random things and people when I started wandering,
what exactly is so different about me from others?
Had I just grew up this way and made my own choices or had I been influenced by things around me?
Perhaps it would help by first listing down my quirky traits.
(Close friends may feel free to add on. Otherwise, I'll stick to the few friends had 'credited' me upon. haha)

Some Quirky Facts About Me.

FOOD:
* Rain or shine, work or play, I eat Beehoon for breakfast/lunch (whichever I wakes up for) almost everyday.
* I do not eat bread, cucumber, olives, nuts, clams/mussels etc, vinegar, anything sour, anything bitter.
* I do not drink coffee, any tea in can form except chrysanthemum tea, coke, pepsi, anything sour, anything bitter.
* When I'm extremely unhappy or extremely happy, I would instinctively drink Strawberry milk.
* Every month, I would visit Sakae Sushi or Swensens at least once.

MEN:
* I hate guys who wear square top shoes.
* I've never received my favourite flowers before. I swore I would never buy for myself nor accept it from a person I don't love.
* I extremely-ly like men in executive wear.
* I'm attracted to eyes that can smile.
* When I fail a guy, and reject him, I would never ever consider dating him in the future.
* I have alot alot alot of quirky rules for a guy which I mentally ticks off before I start developing positive feelings.

SHOPPING/FASHION:
* My earrings must always match my clothes.
* I would not buy something from a shop which have ugly carriers.
* I would never allow a female hairdresser to style my hair.
* Every month, I would buy a single stalk of rose for myself.

RANDOM:
* At least every fortnight, I would sit in a cafe at Raffles Place just to watch the people scurrying by.
* I like to cry into pillows.
* I intensely dislike soft toys.
* I listen to my Kevin Kern, Tom Barabas, Richard Clayderman playlist everytime I feel the slightest bit of stress.
* I hate hearing more than 2 compliments in one conversation.
* I like to repeat people's names in their presence just for the heck of it.
* I cannot look at people's naked body on screen. I would squirm and freak out.
* I have to pinch, slap, whack or disturb people around me when I am very bored.
* I like to unbutton shirts.
* I hate the invention of bra.
* I hate noise. The slightest bit of noise gets me annoyed.
* I can't sleep without aircon or extremely cold wind.
* When I sleep alone, I sleep with the covers over my head.
* I always have the urge to pinch the nose of people who snores.
* I hate the smell of jasmine tea/flower/blah watever.

okay. i write half way i got no mood to continue nor sort out this post liao.
Feeling pretty annoyed about some stuffs and extremely irritable.
Painful boobies, pimples popping up, feeling extremely bad abt myself and very the emo.
I think this is it. Stoopit pms striking liao. AUGHHHHH....

*lies back on bed and sulks to myself*

P.s I know this post is in a mess and is very badly written :(

2006-05-02T23:23:00.000+08:00

I is the pissed!

I is dah pissed.
I had been spending like mad recently, and I've tried to stop by leaving all my cards at home.
So I start planning on 'How to save Janise Backside' project.
(Stoopit Jeffrey tell me to sell backside to earn moolah. GRRRRR!!!!)

Just as I figured that I probably need to start working,
(There... I'm officially interested in money reaping oppurtunities. Please do intro if you have any good openings :D )
my lappy died on me. Actually the adapter died.
But with my battery that only has 30min life, and the adapter which no longer charges,
I have now officially 15 mins and counting to type this 'OH WOE IS ME' post.

Days like this. I hate Apple.
Their lousy not durable cable cost 150 buckaroos and after reading the reviews at the apple website itself,
it seems that many people face the same problem too.
The same goes for the 250 buckaroos battery.
I am so so so so so low on financial resources now that I've decided to forgo the thought of getting the batt,
and decided to go hunt for a third party adapter tomolo.

I is dah pissed.
I have to save my backside before I am forced to sell my backside *lip wobbling look*
Must stay celibated for as long as possible.
~~People say abstinence is the best route to a bombastic orgasm.~~ Okay I didn't say anything.

Tomolo gotta go Raffles. Tomolo got to go hunt for gift box. Tomolo got to go buy adapter.
Tomolo oso got to start to try to lose weight.
Aiyah. All leave to tomolo lah. now toopit com going to die on me liao!!

*Forced to say TATA!*

2006-05-02T16:29:00.000+08:00

Labour Day

I suppose freelance people like me don't get the perks of celebrating Labour Day.
I do afterall have holidays almost every other day.
So anyway, after bunking over at my favourite couples's on sunday night,
we woke up early in the morning to do a photoshoot.

Barffie had inherited an SLR from her Dada-in-law,
and is on her way to exploring the new cam and her shutterbug craze.
I had very willingly accepted the invitation to be her first model :DDD

Here are 2 random pics.
There are a whole lot more very very very nice one.
But those pics, gotta wait for awhile before I would possibly reveal a few.
I am shy okay. Cannot anyhow post pictures up into the public. kakakak
So there... 2 pics here, Courtesy of Barffie!

left eye look strange here i know. my eyes were a little swollen. boohoohooo

Anyway, after the photoshoot, Dad gave a call and told me he wanted to head down to er...
Si Wan Isand (or somthing lidat lah) for er... late lunch/early dinner.
So I rushed home, change and blah and we headed down to Changi Village Ferry Terminal.
Blah blah blah blah blah later, change of plan and we went to Pulau bin instead.
A side of Singapore which is seemingly still stuck back in the 70s.

Mr Lee Hsien Long says welcome.

Someone tell me, is Pulau Ubin under any constituency?
I see PM LHL face all over the island okay...

I think the Ah Gong inside asking me not to take photo. kakaka.

The things there are still damn old school.
We had dinner the Ubin's No.1 Restaurant that does not have frog's leg, crab, deer meat and whatever dad tried to order.
What kind of No. 1 is that lah! Everything also don't have. I might as well eat Zhi Cha in Singapore mainland. bleah.
After dinner, we went a few doors down to this...

paiseh. i use flash. so it's beri dark.

to eat this...

damn sour mangoes with soy sauce and lotsa sugar and chilli padi.

Naturally, I had to take a photo of meself :P

Then we walk around to look at trees and well.. nature.
Dad loves the nature. He likes the silence of it. I think this is one side of us that's the most alike.

It wasn't long before we decided to call it a day and head back to mainland.
While waiting for the ferry, I got mischievous and made my little sister and little brother pose for me.
Mom is afraid I would get my bro into trouble for the photo,
so I decided to uh.. draw on his face... anyway, i tink the photo is beri goodly taken.

Don't say I never comment on political stuff for this GE okay.
I is support the PAP one.
What's not to like about men in white? :D

We is support PAP!!! (stoopit brother so tall, make me look short.)

*sniggers*

2006-04-29T12:53:00.000+08:00

I walked out of a movie...

A little quick update just to forewarn people who might be watching movies over this weekend.
Yesterday, my favourite couple & I impulsively decided to catch a movie.
~~Sick Barffie~~ Barffie who was sick made a random choice of movie and picked - Hostel.

So anyway, I had quite a horrible day yesterday... Shopping aside.
After I made 42 un-picked up calls to Citycab/Comfort, bribed a taxi driver, get stuck in a frigging traffic jam,
I finally reached the Korean Restaurant we were supposed to have dinner at, super late.
Traffic was THE SUCKY as we made our way down to town after dinner.

After wandering around blah, we went into the movie 15mins late.
That's for all 3 of us not wearing watches and being too lazy to check out handphone for time.
I walked into the theathe and looked up, I saw a pair of boobs.
I got a frigging huge shock, got blardy disorientated and headed to the exit. Hell, I haven't even sat down!
But Barffie & Jeffrey was looking for the sits liao, so I thought...
'Ah.. What the heck. It's just a pair of boobs. I've seen hell lot of naked boobs when I go to saunas anyway.'
BUT WRONG!!! The owner of that pair of boobs showed distinct movements of having sex one!

I spend the next 15 mins playing Bobby Carrots (A rabbit game) on my Samsung hp & staring at my nachos cheese.
Occasionally looking up when I hear that the scene is safe for viewing. The story seems pretty thrashy.
And then the worst part came. I saw blood and proceeded back to my game.
Then the screems and shrieks of pain and agony filled my ear as the character in the show was being tortured.
It was too much for me & I felt a tear escape my eye as the shrieks attacked my ears while I played my harmless rabbit game.
Jeffrey who equally disliked gory movies turned over, saw my horror in my feign calmness & asked if I wanted to leave.
And leave we did. 15mins into the movie we arrived 15mins late for.
I hate shows with nudity & sex. I hate shows with blood and gore.
The movie suck. Badly.

And then we headed to Mustafa to do some midnight shopping.
Hell! was it packed!
Barffie and I were looking for a toilet when a nigro(is this how it's spelt?) guy asked me, 'What are you looking for?'
I thought he's a salesman there, so I said, 'Oh! Do you know where's the ladies? Erm.. Toilet??'
Then he pointed to the ladies which was just up ahead, I said my thank you and proceeded over with barffie.
But the blardy toilet have no toilet paper and so we decided not to use it.
As we came out, the nigro guy came up to me and say, 'Hey, my friend would like to make friends with you.'
I was like 'HUH?! sorry, excuse me' as I turn away and drag Barffie with me back to the ladies to wait for Jeffery to come.
They left us alone after Jefrey came. Thank God.

Anyway, yesterday was kinda screwed up.
like REALLY REALLY screwed up.
I guess it might be PMS. just maybe... *sulks*
I'm heading down to Raffles to do some stuffs. Be back with more whinings.

*Tata*

P.s I'm not racist lah. I just don't make friends with random strangers one ok.

2006-04-29T03:13:00.000+08:00

I <3 Dresses...

I'm a person who seldom buy dresses bcoz it doesn't quite make economical sense.
If I were to buy a top and bottom, I can mix and match and Ta-Dah! more variety.
Whereas for a dress, I can only wear it a few times coz I don't like being seen in the exact same outfit by the same people.

But recently, I've really really been lusting over dresses.
And it doesn't help that I am having a huge dose of PMS.
I feel miserable and feel like doing the retail therapy thing.
So... for a consolation, I go out for a dress fitting day.
I told myself it's strictly see and try try, no buying. (okay, guilty. I 'accidentally' bought some stuffs)

Here are some photos of me in the fitting room trying on some of the dresses that I didn't buy.
I won't be so toopit like last time to post up what I had bought. Esp dresses.
Later people copycat me and go buy identical one how?
Or if i want to wear for a event then ppl snigger and say they see it on my blog before liao how?
Anyway, I swear I tried on at least 30 pieces of clothings in the past 2 days just at Taka, Wisma & Paragon alone.
I am going mad.

Here we go okay!
First piece is a black bareback dress from Forever 21 - $58
Pretty. Beri pretty. But... my back not toned and my back got some spots, so.. not favourable.

forever 21 the mirror must be damn dirty lor... GRRRR

Next is brought to you by one of my favouritest brand, BCBG Max Azria - $859? I think so...
I think it makes me look preggy. And the dress is so damn long, probably have to wear 4 inchies to look sane in it.

Barffie called me, was yakking on the phone...

Next, my personal favourite dress in the current season of my favouritest brand - $739 i think...
I love BCBG. I love feminine dresses. I love fluidity in colors. I love flirty dresses.
I love how this dress make me look good even when it's not in black!!

Last but not least, I decided to try on a red dress at Zara.
Insanely short and insanely cheap - $39.90... I think coz less material that's why. kaka
The dress strap is so damn long lah! The designer must have boobs that sags all the way down to her tummy.
I had to hold up the dress like mad to be able to take this photo, thus the unsmiling face and weird pose.
Btw... I think this dress designed for women with straight cut figure one.

I didn't take much pictures of others coz either:
1) Not in the mood
2) I look bad in it
3) Salesperson psychoing me

There was this victorian dress I saw with black lace overlaying that I also fell in love with.
But coz I already tried 2 dresses prior to it that I didn't quite like,
and the saleslady keep complimenting on how good it looks on me,
I figured she could well, possibly be lying through her teeths, and decided against it.

I just so totally hate it when people won't stop sugaring me with compliments.
I mean... Hello!! The body's mine, the eyes are mine the taste is mine!
Of coz I know whether or not the dress suits me or accentuates my figure right.
Unless said person is a close friend who knows my taste or body well enough, then fine!
But whatever it is, the overly zealous sales lady at Xsquare, Paragon pissed me off by talking too much.
I hate it when people try to talk to me when I'm doing anything alone.

The staffs at Ness was helpful and polite without being overwelming.
The staffs at BCBG was initially eluding pretty bad service by bitching ALOUD about their colleague,
but was fine when helping me locating the sizes and giving some suggestions.
Apparently, I could fit into a Size 4 for that blue dress. Another reason to love it. HAHAHA
The lady at Haberdasher had been there since forever. I've been shopping there since forever too.
Love her service, her knowledge of all the items in the shop and how she instinctively know how I feel about the dress.

Whatever it is, I had digressed this post to no end.
I really shouldn't be rambling when I'm not feeling all too well.
Somebody, do buy me a dress to make me feel better. hurhurhur
The BCBG blue dress or the Haberdasher black tube dress with green sash would do fine.

I think PMS is bad for my overall wellbeing.
Backache, tummycramp, tired, mood swing, blah blah blah...

*pouts at a corner and hug my shaggy bear*

2006-04-27T12:47:00.000+08:00

I is the lousy.

It does not take even a DoDo bird to know that if I were to take the test today,
I would flunk it, and flunk it BAD!
I must maintain, Janise NEVER fails a test. *hurhurhur*
So I did what Janise always (well, almost anyway) does when she sees an impending doom.

Bail Out.

I study abit more first ok!
I thought all common sense one.
This morning flip open the book then realise alot of theory shite involve.
Must memorse like siao.

I can almost hear Jassy saying, 'AIYOH!'
and Jeffrey saying, 'That's why I tell you to tell me only after you go for it'
I is a disappointment :(

*prance around looking at my toes*
Oh yea.. That day go do mani and pedi coz i scrapped off alot during my trip.
Anne tell me to try something different, so the toe color is yea... not my usual lor...
I think I prefer to stick to my usual french. More classic.

I want to go Redang toooooo.

*pouts and sulks more*

2006-04-26T15:58:00.000+08:00

What do you do to dry your car brakes in a flood?

Janisism says:
TOMOLO FINALLY I GOING TO GO FOR MY BASIC THEORY! I BOOKED LIAO! HAHAHA

NaiveGuy says:
they sure got one question abt car going thru flood what you shld do to dry the brakes

Janisism says:
wat shld i do

Janisism says:
get out of car?

NaiveGuy says:
the answer very obvious one

Janisism says:
run?

NaiveGuy says:
...

NaiveGuy says:
go and study lah! dun make me call you a bimbo

Janisism says:
errrrrr... this is not commom sense question lor

Janisism says:
HELLO!!! flood sure run one watttt!!!

NaiveGuy says:
the question is ... if the car go thru flood water what do you do to dry the brakes

Janisism says:
er... the brake is on the wheel one isit? take out the wheel?

Janisism says:
air it?

NaiveGuy says:
.....

NaiveGuy says:
WHILE YOUR DRIVING IT?

NaiveGuy says:
BWAHAHAHAHHAHa

Janisism says:
WAH LAU!

Janisism says:
FLOOD LIAO CANOT DRIVE MAH! SO STOP AND TAKE OUT THE WHEEL TO AIR IT?

Janisism says:
yea... but will drive to higher land first...

Janisism says:
ISIT???

NaiveGuy says:
hello bimbo

NaiveGuy says:
you just go thru the flood water......

NaiveGuy says:
before you can stop teh brake is alrdy wet aldy wad

NaiveGuy says:
so how you going to stop and take out teh wheel and air it?

NaiveGuy says:
I know you going to say drive faster and blow dry them

NaiveGuy says:
AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Janisism says:
NO LAH!

NaiveGuy says:
then you going to drive up a slope and let the water drip out

Janisism says:
drive until got dry land den air it lah

NaiveGuy says:
you think whole singapore flood is it??????????!!!!!

NaiveGuy says:
bukit timah is a good place to drip dry your brakes

NaiveGuy says:
BWAHAHAHAHAHh

Janisism says:
*sulks*

Janisism says:
*prance around STOMP STOMP STOMP*

*wrong meh? got wrong mehhh??*

P.S NaiveGuy is Jeffrey, hubby of Barffie. The 2 of them are the favourite couple I often mentioned in my blog.
WHAHAHAHA... Both he and his wife are my very good friends. so whether he's 'cute or not' hor.. you ask the wife ok? haha...

2006-04-26T13:11:00.000+08:00

About Friends... and dealing with problems...

A close friend of mine recently broke up with her partner while I was away on my trip.
When I came home to truckloads of sms and a voicemail from my friend to inform me of the situation,
I started wondering what exactly was the hooha about.

Right... It's a break up. But the Earth doesn't stop revolving.
Life goes on and ultimately, we all know that no one can help us to pick up the pieces of our hearts.
When it comes to heartbreak, we're alone.
Because we chose it to be that way.

We choose to stop listening. We choose to stop thinking with our heads but with our hearts.
We choose to let the tears flow, the hurt grow, and eventually worry everyone around us who cares.
Admit it, when we fall out of a relationship that we want to hold on to, we become oblivious to the things around us.
Our head shuts down, our ears proceeds to auto filter only what we Want to hear,
and we throw ourselves into that emotional blackhole.

Friends who try to talk you out of the relationship becomes Enemy No. 1.
Friends who try to coax you to try to work things out becomes your emotional clutch.
Friends who try to pretend nothing happen becomes The Insensitive One.
Friends who try to run away from you and your situation becomes the one who was never there.

Suddenly, when a relationship fails, it's not between the 2 person anymore.
It drags the whole world around them down to that terrifying emotional black hole.
No one wants to be unwittingly pulled into that black hole.
Especially for those who had been there, and experienced it before.
Just going close to the person who radiates that negative energy of the black hole reminds them vividly of that unwanted sensations.

That emotional black hole might not be just be the hole of painful breakups.
That emotional black hole might be the hole of miserable loneliness.
That emotional black hole might be the hole of painful suicide memories.
Why do you want drag your friends down to (re)experience that feeling with you?

Maybe it's just me...
But after I do the tried and tested method of talking to my friends about my problems and troubles,
I would feel guilt knowing that I'm dragging the people around who cares, along with me when I am down.
I don't like the feeling of knowing I'm radiating these negative energy to the people around me who cares.
I would choose to draw away to heal my own pain, or try to think positive thoughts to encourage myself to smile.
And that's the way I try to deal with my own problems.

Perhaps it's how I deal with myself that coz me not to understand that this is not how the majority of people deal with things.
After time, I tend to feel extremely burdened when I'm faced with a friend radiating that intense negative energy.
Especially, if i've tried whatever I think is within my means to help the friend.
After repeated failed attempts to make the friend feel better, I usually draw away.
I've did all that I could and am willing to do.
Perhaps somebody else would make a better advisor or friend to you, than me.
My own life is not a bed of roses...

My biggest fear is of suicidal friends.
I've been there.
And I know, if you're not willing to help yourself, nobody can.
Call me a coward, call me selfish, call me the friend who was never there...
But be it in the past, now, or the future... I don't want to be responsible for the loss of life/lives of people who I care for.
Neither do I want to be dragged along into that black hole of depression.

I might not be supportive of your decision.
I can't be supportive of something I don't believe in... (be it a relationship, an alternative solution to probs etc.)
But as a friend, I respect it.

Don't expect me to smile, get cheery and be all positive.
Because eventually... after the initial excitement and joy,
you would have to head back down to reality and remember that there's alot of hardwork behind your decision.
I would rather be the prude to break that cheerful bubble now than be one who smile now & run away when reality hits.

I know this whole post had digressed and transcend here and there in different parts.
Quite confusing I know, coz I'm thinking of alot of people and even myself when I'm writing this.
So... to whomever is reading this, don't read too much into it.
Many parts are not what you think it is.

*And we all know... afterall, happiness is a choice...*

P.s Special thanks to my favourite couple, Jassy, Yvonne, Cath and mommy for being here and being there :)

2006-04-25T02:38:00.000+08:00

The cruise trip

Here are the misc things that I did on the cruise, and the times that are spent with my cousin, Yvonne.
Yep, there was 2 of us in this trip. Apart from those times I spent alone, she was my company :)
It's expensive to go on a cruise trip alone coz you have to pay 1.5 person's fare. so yea...

My 3D2N bag...

cabbing to Harbourfront...

Yvonne, 29, Graphic Designer, Single... Never dated. Any eligible male out there? :P

If there's something I hate more than crowds or noises, it is queues.
And for some warpped reasons, we were queueing through every gantry, every this, every that, every BLAH.
Check in and immigration process was so lengthy and slow.

Queue to get room card...

Boarding Pass..,. Room Key Card...

Queue for immigration...

And after some forced pictures through the gantries to enter the cruise, (more about this later)
we finallly arrived at our room...

Room Door...

Our Window Cabin Room...

Here's some advices when it comes to choosing your cruise cabin category.
If you're going for a 3D2N Cruise to somewhere cruise, you're not gonna spend much time in your room rite?
So, no point getting the balcony rooms or whatever unless you are intending to camp in your room for the trip.
Then it's down to choosing the inside stateroom or room with window or room with porthole.
Don't choose porthole. totally redundant. And if you don't mind never knowing whether it's day or night,
and is fine with living in constant darkness and your room is solely for sleeping purpose, go ahead for the inside stateroom.
I have to say it can get quite claustaphopic after staying tooo long in a square box with no window.
Else, like me, you can choose the window cabins which are more Light-ventilated and less claustaphopic.
The level which you are living on doesn't really matter unless you're taking the balcony cabins. so yea...

Anyway, I was starving when I got onboard the ship,
so after settling the reservation for our snorkeling trip, we head down for dinner at Bella Vista.
One of the restaurants that provides complimentary dinner for us during our stay.

Blardy hell... have to queue again...

Bella Vista interior...

When Yvonne & I were going in for our dinner, the waitress allocating our seats said, '2 Children' into her walkie talkie.
I looked at Yvonne and we were like... 'HUH?'
Okay lah. we might not look like the oldest people in the surrounding, but... TWO CHILDREN?!?!
She's 29 and I'm er... Forever 21 lor!!!
Call us children abit too much right? We couldn't stop giggling everytime we went for our meals after that.
Everytime we would try to foresee if the waitress was gonna call 2 Children into the walkie talkie again.

So just as we were seated down into our quiet 2 seater corner,
the table of 6 next to us, filled with greying ageing ancient antiques gave us both a once over.
Then one of the antiques turned around a couple of times and said in the almighty tone,
'Nowadays the crowd getting younger and younger. Last time when I came, the crowd didn't look like that.'
What the heow?! I've been cruising since 2002 okay! I almost know the cruise at the back of my hand liao lor!
If it's some atas people talk lidat nevermind lah. but look at one of them at the table!!

TMD! Singlet, shorts and slippers okay!
The last I went, this fine dining restaurant don't allow casual wear, shorts, slippers, shirts with no collar, blah...
And now their rules are so slack they allow this type of attire??
Hur. Standards are dropping.

Anyway, a lil table etiquette tip k?
If you really have no idea which one to use, use the utensils starting from the outside.
the utensils right on top of ur setting is for desserts one.
And after using the utensils for each dish, place it at an 11 O'clock position to show u're done with your food.
Drink soup leh, is fill the spoon to 2/3 and scoup AWAY from yourself one. Den slurp. Don't put the spoon into your mouth.
Most importantly, angmoh fine dining forbids you to ever rest your elbow on the table.
Sit up straight and you wouldn't find that task such a chore :D

my first dish... mango & papaya salad. the beef capaccio is the nicest I've ever had. hehehe.

Anyway, only got pic of my first dish.
Subsequently too hungry to bother to take photo of the food.
After dinner, we headed to the audi to watch the night entertainment show.
All the acrobats and blah...

I was either very tired, or the entertainment had deproved much in compared to the past,
when they bring in international level magicians or circus plays.
I nearly dozed off at the last quarter.
Headed up to the Galaxy of Stars after that to hear the live band there.

my new shoes...

The good thing about the cruise is that you can buy a drink from anywhere and bring it anywhere you want.
You don't have to limit yourself to staying in the same lounge or room. Feel free to pub hop with your one drink.

I pub hop 3 places with my one glass of white wine. hahaha

Went to the deck after the hopping to get some supper and to take some photos around the deck...
Most of my photos are taken on the top deck. I'm a sucker for the sea breeze against my face :)

parthenon pool...

Somehow... i shaked...

I love me.

Then I headed to the Photo Gallery with Yvonne to check out the photos,
that were taken earlier by their inhouse photographer when we boarded the cruise.
She was convinced the photographer who took my photo had the hots for me.
Me being me, i shrugged it off as him just being nice and told her she's too paranoid.
I mean... people are generally nice to me coz I'm nice. geddit? Right..... hahahahaah

Anyway, it didn't turn out to be the case after 3D2N on the cruise and bumping into him.
It became waaaay tooooo obvious he was er... developing a crush on me?
I choose not to use 'hitting on me' coz he look so harmless!! He is SO SO shy! He actually blush trying to tok to me okay!
Gawd... Shy guys okay!! Singapore no more shy guys okay?! Kosong. Meiyou. No have. Mati!
(Not that I have anything for shy guys of coz. not my type at all. But quite a pleasure to look at. HAHAHA)
Anyway, I initially thought he was Japanese. Later when saw his nametag then realise from Myanmar.

On my last night there, when I bumped into him while Yvonne & I was checking out our photos taken,
he approached me and asked to take a picture.
I mean.. well... he IS the photographer there what. so i just smile and say okay lor.
But turned out he wasn't wanting to just shoot a photo of me with his big arse SLR okay.
He wanted to shoot a picture of me AND HIM, with HIS HANDPHONE. *smacks head*
I immediately turned to Yvonne to drag her along into the phototaking, BUT SHE RUN AWAY OKAY!

Subsequently, we avoided the photo gallery place like plague.
He looks as if he was gonna ask for a way to contact me or send me the photo liao.
The way he so shyly look at me and ask me ah... I scared I don't know how to reject him without feeling bad.
So avoid.avoid.avoid. at all cost!
After 3 days hanging around together, Yvonne say I go where also always attract male attention one.
Take lift also got guy look look stare stare.
Walk around also kana 'stalked' by the photographer.
Stand around wait for ferry got guy come chat me up.
Go eat dinner at the deck also kana filmed by an angmoh.
Watch sunrise also got indian guy smile smile want to take photo and chat me up.
And I didn't even bother to dress up or make up much coz it's my getaway relax trip lor...

Going on the trip is a boost to my ego I tell you.
The people onboard got very warpped taste one. whahahaha
I think maybe they all looking for a holiday fling. horny bastards. *pooi*

ANYWAY, back to my 2nd night onboard the cruise.
After dinner and all, we were deciding on doing something to pass time together as it was still early.
So we picked up Scrabble and Mastermind...

me...

Yvonne thinking...

Completed game...

There was silence between us for that hour or two while we played the games.
Not much conversation was passed, just the shuffling of items, the movements, the slurps of our ice cream.
I like the silence. To me it was a comfortable silence that I appreciated and enjoyed.
But I later found out from her after the cruise that she didn't like that part of our evening.
She felt as if there was tension in the silence. She felt stressed.

It was then I realise for the first time that perhaps 'comfortable silence' is subjective.
Not everyone is comfortable in the silence i'm comfortable in!
And many might not even tell me coz they would think I know or maybe they dare not tell me coz we're not close.
Yvonne didn't tell me at that moment itself and only told me after the trip that she didn't like that silence during our game.
Man... I didn't know my silence is so... 'imposing'.
Please do tell me in future if I ever impose my 'comfortable silence' on anyone of you, my friends.

Anyway, We went to hear another band later after our game before we spend our time apart.
The lady have very strong and nice vocals. But it was obvious the band were only smiley to the ang mohs.
Not a very nice approach to 'welcome' us. Star Virgo is afterall thriving itself to be an Asia Cruiseline.

Time flew by really quick...
Wasn't long before we were heading back for home.
The getaway was short and sweet.
But perhaps... too short.
I would loved to have more time to rest and finally be intune with myself.
I definitely need another holiday sometime soon...

Love my own legs :D

Good bye...

*Till then...*

P.s Alright. I know you people want me to dish the dirt on meeting my ex on the cruise.
So there. Yes, we met. No, we didn't throw each other overboard.
No, I didn't even bother looking at him or even try to manage a smile.
I bumped into his mom and dad separately and we had a nice polite chat to catch up abit.
I kept bumping into his brother's gf whom mentioned that she heard I'm attached.
And after hearing the details, I realise they've got it ALL WRONG!
She heard I'm attached to her bf's student's bro whom I happen to had worked with for an event.
Wrong wrong wrong lah. That one is not my bf lah. Don't know how they hear one.
So yea. That's about it. nothing much to say about the guy I hold the highest contempt for.

2006-04-23T22:54:00.000+08:00

Watching the Sunrise... Sunset...

Having lived in the city of concrete walls and replicas of boring green trees for my whole life,
seeing nature as it really is, in its raw form really intrigues me.
The 3 days on the cruise, i looked forward to the night sky, to the sunset, to the sunrise...
Those time alone just appreciating the beauty of this quiet moments were so ______ I can't use words to describe it.

~ * ~

I woke up at 5am, grabbed a towel, my pouch containing my digi cam, my handphone and headed up to the top - Deck 13.
The deck where you can lie down on the tanning chairs and appreciate the beautiful sky at night,
and stand around at the open deck to watch the sunrise and sunset in the day.
It was far becoming my most visited spot besides the restaurants where I have my meals.

Black tank top, my FBT sleepp shorts and slippers.

Some of my photos which are not extremely sharp, are taken by my handphone.
My digi cam was running out of batt and I was trying to save it for taking the sunrise.
At 5plus am, the sky was still dark with the only source of brightness from the moon and stars.

I plugged in my nano, lied down at one of the chairs at the deck & started looking up at the sky as I had the night before.
There wasn't a single soul on the deck. Just me alone...
My mind was clear and empty. Not thinking of anything in particular.
An old client of mine who meditates everyday once told me that the highest state of peace in the mind,
is not when a person is meditating and cencentrating on thinking of nothing.
As in, when you try to concentrate on thinking of nothing, you are ironically, actually thinking of something.
You are thinking of trying to think of nothing. Get it?
He said it is when you are awake, and the mind is at absolute rest and you are not thinking of anything, not even of 'nothing'.

I never understood what that old client of mine meant when he first told me that.
I thought perhaps it was the state of mental well-beingness that only a sage at 60 would achieve.
It was till it hit me that night/day that I truly realise how that state of clear, thinking of absolutely nothing felt.
You just lie there, looking straight up, the wind across ur face, the mind awake yet not active...
And you achieve that state which I now call - The epitome of Nothingness.
I really can't describee that feeling. I just know I really want to feel that again... that peace... that clear undisturbed mind...
It was about 1 hour that before I was disturbed by people cleaning the place.
I figured I couldn't lie down on the deck chairs waiting for the sun to appear in the middle of the sky,
so I grabbed a chair and went to sit at the edge of the deck.

towel wrapped around to keep me warm...

And the stars slowly fade into the brighter sky, leaving only the bright satellites shining down.
The Sun's rays appeared at the edge of the sea, slowly rising, slowly saying its hello...

Beautiful colors... a pity that it was so cloudy...

And so I sat there enjoying the wind and waiting for the rise of the beautiful Sun...
At about 7plus, the sky brightened up, and slowly more people came to stand by the deck, looking out...

Me...

Enjoying the wind and the dangling of my legs out of the deck...

And then the no. of people around increased as the Sun rised higher and higher.
Here's a picture of where I was sitting and the background.
I wasn't sitting so far out, was sitting extremly closed to the railings to let my legs dangle out.
Pushed out my chair when I stood up to take this photo. yea...

The rest are pics of the sunrise...

CLICK HERE FOR HIGH RES DOWNLOAD

CLICK HERE FOR HIGH RES DOWNLOAD

CLICK HERE FOR HIGH RES DOWNLOAD

CLICK HERE FOR HIGH RES DOWNLOAD

CLICK HERE FOR HIGH RES DOWNLOAD

It was about 7.45am that I headed back to my cabin to wash up for my breakfast.
And if anyone is going for the cruise to Redang and want the luxury of seeing the sunrise from your room,
should they not change a sailing route, request for starboard side and you'll see the sunrise on your 2nd morning :)

~ * ~

I was having the barbeque dinner at the deck when I saw the sunset.
I sat myself down at the outdoor deck table facing it and had one of my most visually appetising dinner that evening.

CLICK HERE FOR HIGH RES DOWNLOAD

CLICK HERE FOR HIGH RES DOWNLOAD

CLICK HERE FOR HIGH RES DOWNLOAD

And the Sun threw its respledent rays over us to say Goodbye, till we meet again.

*utter bliss...*

2006-04-23T16:56:00.000+08:00

Redang and my first official snorkelling experience...

on the ferry to the Redang Marine Park

It's my 2nd trip to Redang, but my first official snorkeling experience.
Being the vain pot that I am, I didn't snorkel the first time I went.
I figured even the most beautiful person would look ugly behind that ugly snorkeling gear.
And besides, look ultra fugly infront of the guy I was beginning to grow fond of, was a big no-no back then :P

I took a little peep back last year, into the snorkeling goggles for a split second.
I remembered how clear the water was, how pretty and close the fishes were to me,
and make a little promise to myself to do it Right one of these days.
And so I did last thursday.

Redang... The island of fond memories...

I was convinced that being quite a strong swimmer, I wouldn't require the unglam lifejacket :P
So I just picked up the snorkeling gear, cleaned the rubber mouth piece like mad,
(The thought of others having used that before, freaked me out silly. I am gonna get my own when I do this again.)
and headed straight into the water that didn't look as clear blue as it looked a year ago.
Being the antisocial arse that I am sometimes when I'm in a retreat mood, I headed for the empty far end of the sea.
Didn't take me long to realise why it was so serene and empty.
I got chased by the marine park officers?divers? who told me to avoid there coz the current's too strong at that end.

Then the real struggle begin.
I couldn't quite learn how to breathe through my mouth, and had to constantly hold my nose to force that natural reflex.
Then I had to struggle with the blardy goggles which was not tight enough or watever, thus the water kept entering my nose.
After the initial pain and salt water drinking and drinking AND drinking, this was how I looked.

So I soon got the hang of things and started to try to look for fishes and going trigger happy.
Let's just say the camera was not that easy to use when you're still struggling with the goggles & swimming at the same time.
The fishes are not all that easy to capture on screen at a close proximity either.

A school of fish... Apparently someone did a feeding there... with bread.

And then I swam upclose to the fishes and took a close up.

Majority of those striped ones are called Damselfish.
As in Damsel-Fish. But looking at how fast they race for the food compared to the other fishes,
I figured their name might just be Dam-Selfish. *shrugs*

Me feeding the fish...

I jumped when the fish sucked my finger when it was eating the bread.
Damn frigging shocked. Didn't feed again after that. too scared that it would nibble off my finger :X

Dunowat school of Dunowat fish...

The corals there are not like those I sometimes see in documentaries or whatever.
The corals there were dull... and looked dead. Like big rotten mushrooms.
I would like to think they weren't originally like that. Must be the commercialisation of this place to coz such an ugly mess.
The dead corals that were swept to the shore could possibly fill the whole of a truck.
Lying around, it's also quite a safety hazard. Last year, i scrapped my feet against the dead corals and it bleeded like mad.

I spent most of my time looking out for different species of fish that I haven't seen and chasing after them to take a photo.
Not an easy task I can assure you. Most of the pictures taken really bad and some had my finger in it. hahaha
I couldn't see through the viewfinder when I'm wearing my snorkeling goggles, so I is anyoldhow aim one.

This is the fish I chased the longest for. I can't quite tell if it's the Needlefish or the half beak.

This one swim very slow, but swim very lowwww. I couldn't capture a proper pic of it without getting water into my breathing pipe :(

I don't know if this is the parrotfish or some other species, but its color's quite nice.

Then it was time to leave back for the cruise.
Went to wash up, look around and waited for the ferry to arrive.

Some guy chatted me up while I was standing there getting trigger happy with the scenary.
Turned out he's a travel agent and was there for the fam trip and meeting.
I nonchalantly mentioned I was from the travel industry and he gave me an update on some TA news/gossips.
I guess I wasn't too please with the little intrude of my personal space,
and was certainly not looking forward to talk about 'work' or gossips. *shrugs*
How come some people never get bored of talking?

I don't quite like to socialise when I'm going on a getaway trip.
Personal space you know? If it's an overseas outing or excursion or holiday probably i'll be more open.
But it's my get away trip. So.. uh... getaway from me yea... hurhurhur

*I think i like the silence underwater very much...*

P.s Pictures are taken with manual low quality camera with a 400 ISO film.
Real life the fish really much nicer than it appears on the pics :)

2006-04-23T05:12:00.000+08:00

About Pre-trip, Pre-Blog entry about Trip

Had spent the last 6 hours sorting, choosing, resizing all my pictures taken with my digi cam,
scan, cropping the developed pictures taken with the underwater cam,
choosing, mmsing, resizing all my pictures taken with my handphone cam.

After spending approx $100 every month on my phone bill thanks to my constant mms sent to 'pic-tifty' blog,
I've made a very economical and impulsive choice last tuesday night.
I was many hours ahead of my appointment at night, so I walked around to kill some time.
But coz the appointment was sending me into a huge frenzy and unnerving me quite abit,
I was wandering around pretty lost and... aimlessly.

I found myself walking into a shop selling electronics, and looking at their displays of cameras.
About 30(?) mins later, I walked out of the shop $580 in 'debt', and none the happier.
In fact, I totally forgot about the camera that night while I was still occupied in my very unnerving mind.
To be exact, I was so unnerved, so so so frenzied and so so so _______(insert random confused word),
that I forgot to take dinner and only remembered when a bout of frigging bad gastric striked later that night.

In any case, that was the night before my trip.
So during my trip, I had a spanking new camera which I later discovered that it's pretty functional and sleek.
I bought myself the Fujifilm Finepix Z1.

I'm impressed by the super duper fast start up, the damn frigging fast shutter speed and the LCD screen color,
in comparison to the Canon Ixus and Panasonic Lumix which I've been eyeing.
I hope I didn't make a wrong choice by choosing the less chosen brand and model.
Everyone have different wants and needs, and I guess I think this camera fulfils mine.
It might not be the one most popular or the one most recommended, but... I like :)

It's nearly 5am now, and I'm really tired.
Would work on how I would journal down my trip tomorrow.
I can't decide if I want to write it as a hour to hour happenings or write it by specific topics/happenings.
Am too tired to think so much about it at this moment too.
Would just bless you all with 2 beautiful pictures I took with my new digi cam.

The Sunrise which I waited 2 hours for... to watch the dark night sky slowly transcend to a bright morning sky...

And the Sunset that accompanied me while I took my dinner on the deck, overlooking the sea...

The beauty of these pictures is the moment that had been captured in time.
I believe no 2 sunrise(s) or sunset(s) would ever look the same.
And everyone of them have their own beauty - that is the soul of this whole picture.
For me, looking at this particular sunrise/sunset would always remind me of the moment I was living in when it occured.
Hope you like the pictures coz there are more to come.
Let me know if you want the higher resolution pics. I would be please to share my photos :)

*More later... Got to crash now...*

DOWNLOAD ORIGINAL HIGH RES PHOTO HERE:
Sunrise
Sunset

P.s I hate to admit this, but I think the pics are quite grainy. I don't know if it's my camera or isit my lousy photography skill :(

2006-04-22T12:57:00.000+08:00

Back from the getaway...

Just got back yesterday, but was pretty tired, so went for a body massage and came home to crash,
didn't quite get started on journaling down the trip yet.
And am heading out to meet Jassy soon, so would probably only write tonight.

The hoo-ha of meeting Mr Strawberry milk is not the highlight of this holiday nor the soul of my next few entries.
It was just mentioned coz it is something I didn't quite foresee when I was planning my trip.
The past few days, I rested my head and gave myself a break.
I know my plan and purpose of the holiday was to go sort out my thoughts.
But the trip was so relaxing and calming that I had to give myself a break to enjoy the moments of absolute nothingness.
Pardon the un-made-up faces. In moments of absolute nothingness, there's nothing on my face.

watching sunrise on the cruise...

The most beautiful part of my trip, I was not thinking at all.
Just lying back, staring at the dark sky with twinkling stars, or the blue sky with beautiful clouds,
or the transcend of dark sky(blue sky) to blue sky(dark sky), topped up with a breathtaking sunrise(sunset).

This post is to set the mood for my next few entries about my trip.
Thanks, you guys for reading 'me' while I'm away,
and ~~sassy~~ Barffie for babysitting my bloggy for me.
No thanks to the ultra unglam picture though. (I was genuinely afraid she would put up unglam video of me singing *phew*)

moments alone...

*Peace*

2006-04-19T23:56:00.000+08:00

She Goes Swimming!!!

Well... not quite yet, but as Sassyjan's loyal readers,
you guys will have a first look at her wonderful snorkelling trip! :D

Isn't this fantastic???? :D:D:D:D

2006-04-19T20:35:00.000+08:00

Here Comes SassyBarffie!

Dear readers of our favorite Sassyjan,
This is her guest blogger, SassyBarffie blogging just for you for these few days! :D

Eh... I have nothing to say, but I have a horror-of-horrors piece of news for you...
Apparantly, she met someone she DON'T WANT TO SEE EVAR AGAIN on the exact same cruise ship on the exact same trip!
OMG OMG OMG OMG!

What luck!

I can imagine her screaming out "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!"
Deep inside her confused heart, she must be so "peaced-off"...
My deepest condolences, SassyJan.

On a lighter note, she made me promise to protect her blog from attackers,
and also NOT TO post any ugly photos of her.

Did you really think I agreed to that? *snigger snigger*

Tune back in for more SassyHorrorStories. :D

SPECIAL UPDATE FROM THE CRUISE:
I have no life. I need the internet even when on holiday.
I met Mr Strawberry Milk's Dad and the brother's girlfriend who so kindly informed me that Mr Strawberry milk is onboard.
My life is like a huge drama. I promise not to throw him overboard if I see him *crosses finger*

2006-04-19T12:42:00.000+08:00

Random Sex Shite...

Should the good be tried and tested first?
or should we wait till The Night to finally unwrap our 'present'?

This topic had been over discussed between me and my friends.
I wonder how do you all feel about it.
Personally, if the party I know is the virgin, I would say, 'No, don't do it. Keep it till marriage.'
Afterall, if you've never had better, nothing could possibly be bad right!
You have absolutely nothing to gauge it against.
Besides, a virgin marriage... How fairytale like... :))) Perfect for those happily ever after ending.

But if both side have had their fair share of sex life before, then well, by all means go ahead.
You won't want to end up with a partner who's never going to be able to pleasure you.
Nothing is more miserable than having a non existant sex life in a relationship - I think.
Having a partner you share great sexual chemistry with must be the most exciting I suppose.
Definitely perfect for modern day happily ever after ending :Ppp

Meanwhile, to prep myself for The Trip, I've given myself a new hairdo down There.
Don't want stray hair poking out from my swimsuit/bikini (whichever I'm donning) in that clear blue water.
It's my first time at 'hair dressing' and I think I did a pretty good job for a first timer. HAHAHA
I actually think It looks quite pretty :D

*TEEEHEEEEHEEEEEE*

P.s After I come back from my trip, I'm.Going.On.A.Diet.
Erm... please remind me least I forget or choose to have selective memory. kakaka

2006-04-19T01:18:00.000+08:00

I heard it's the soccer season...

As the ball was being passed around, she looked on wondering.
Sometimes enjoying the passing of the ball, sometimes wondering the purpose of the game.
She never quite enjoyed the passing, so she finally called for a time out.

And then the ball rolled infront of her and laid still.
No one moved a muscle. It was her own choice now where she wants it to go.
The commentors did their job and then all went silent.
She stayed still and know it's her own choice now.
The ball is in her court.

*Did i ever mention I never liked soccer?*

2006-04-18T04:49:00.000+08:00

About... today lor

I head for my mani and pedi appointment at 4pm.
'Give me something happy can? Something cheerful and bright.' I said to Anne.
She removed my previous black interfrench polish and wiped out a bubblegum pink polish.
Pink is very not me, but as adamant as I am, I trusted her.
And so 1.5hr later...

Nice?? I not used to none french manicure man!

I was chatting with her telling her I've been busy with work lately blah blah,
and randomly mentioned my upcoming trip, which lead to her giving me a little tongue lashing.

Me: Yea.. heading to Redang on XX/XX/06.
She: Come back and tell me if it's nice.
Me: Um... Actually I've been there before.
She: Is it? I wanted to go there with my exbf. Then he became an ex.
Me: Oh... I guess you can say I went there with an ex too then.
She: THAT guy ah.
Me: Yea...
She: *look up at me* You are asking for trouble one leh you!

Why is it that everyone thinks I'm asking for trouble by going back there?
It held happy memories for me and I liked it there.
I'm just going back to close this chapter and hope life would move on well after a closure on my part.

...

..

.

'You can deceive the whole world, but you can't deceive youself'

Anyway, the trip is set, there's nothing much that anyone can say to change my mind about the trip.
I don't deny I want to revive some of those fond memories when he first held my hand in the sea,
or when I lied down on his lap reading my chick flick novel.
But being alone, it's not possible for it to happen and I'm just gonna live through some mental images,
It's not gonna kill me.

Anyway, after my mani and pedi, I walked around West Mall abit aand came across this bag.
The material was nice and big enuff as a multi purpose bag... so i bough it there and then.
Actually also bcoz it matched my clothes.

Then I headed down to Tanjong Pagar to meet my favourite couple for dinner.
We had korean.
r... the photos of the food is still with Barffie.
So there... only have pic of empty plate. hahahah

After dinner, we went ktv at chinatown - Spaceship again...
OKAY. I AM DAMN TIRED NOW! 4.44am liao! I have appointment liined up back to back tml.
I have to stop now. so plain photowhore ahead.
Me in my new Tshirt, blue bikini, tailored shorts, big arse bag and flip flops!!!

*Good night/morning*

2006-04-17T14:10:00.000+08:00

Today in Life! Quote...

'She really shouldn't fall in love. When she does, she throws herself into it totally, like a stupid girl'
- Singer Jeff Chang on actress Zhou Xun.

*Now, tell me exactly what's wrong with that?*

P.s Paiseh for the very unclear pic. But that's the best my lao ya camera can take.

2006-04-17T03:51:00.000+08:00

Photos by Barffie

Photograph by Barffie

Photograph by Barffie

Photograph by Barffie

Barffie's on a roll too.
With her new SLR Camera.
Photos taken over the weekend when we were flying.
No face shot though. I was barely awake and looked a wreck.
Okay for flying, okay to be seen by my favourite couple, okay to be seen by flying-mates.
Not okay for blog publishing. Whahahahaha

*Whadya think?*

2006-04-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

About being on a roll & retail theraphy & floss

I'm.On.A.Roll.
-_______-

Today's the first time I bought something at Topshop.
I know it may be like 'WHAT??!!' to some of you, but yea... I've never bought anything from Topshop before.
It's always a stop by, see see place, but never a shopping haven for me.
In any case, I still think Topshop's stuffs are a little overpriced. *shrugs* Maybe I'm just stingy.

I left my house in a bare minimum makeup, black top, denim skirt, slippers, plugged in nano (as usual) & headed to town at 3pm.
In 2.5 hours, I stormed Orchard in my flip flops and traumatised my own pocket.
I dare not look at my bank statement now. I know I've been a naughty girl :(

I so hate you skinny local girls with small arse and thin legs.
It was so so so difficult for me to find a pair of shorts for my ~~fat~~ shapely bottom.
So when I finally found 2 nice shorts after trying on 643574 pairs, I bought it immediately without second thoughts.

While prancing around, I bought 4 pairs of earrings, another pair of shades, a beaded belt...
And the pair of oh-so-comfy mary-janes :P It's so nice I wanted to buy it in all the other patterns & colors. haha
I even almost convinced myself to buy a pair of Aldo black stilettos, but... NO SIZE!!!
Thank GOD no size! Else I would be alooooot aloooooooooot poorer.

It was raining cats and dogs and cows and rabbits, so I had no choice but to cab down to meet my family for dinner.
I was having crabs craving, so dad suggested Long Beach Restaurant at IMM.
After eating the crabs there so many times, I realise I really didn't like their chilli crab and hate their Black pepper crab.
Anyone has any good chilli crab place to intro?
Else I'll probably need to head back to Sixth Avenue for their crabs again one of these days.

Headed home with a bad headache.
Strange. I thought my retail therapy should had cured everthing.
Apparently it cured the emotional part temporarily, but the physical part, it does nothing to it.
I wish I have never ending money to spend, then perhaps the temporary would become pretty much permanent. hurhur
I'm on a roll. and still on a roll.

Before I buy a new digi cam while I'm on a roll,
anyone want to offer me a spanking new digi cam before I cruise away to Lala land?
I heard Panasonic Lumix is better than Canon Ixus leh. really meh?
Whatever it is, I want a spanking new cam. *spank spank spank* kakaka.

Sometime back, someone offered me a string of floss after dinner.
I stare at the floss and replied, 'Er... nevermind. I've never flossed before.'
Then I started wondering, do everyone floss? Am I the only one who had never flossed in my whole life?
So while doing my usual grocery shopping earlier, I picked up a Oral-B Satin Floss.
I lied on my bed, read the very vague instructions behind the box, and opened it.
The very foreign looking things inside stared back at me as I wonder how to 'operate' it.
After some maneuvering, I finally got the floss out, kept in place, and er... straight.
Then I tried to floss.

5min later,
after missing half a dozen teeth, I finally gave up and threw that damn floss away.
Ting msned me and so...

Me: Eh, ask you something. Had u ever flossed before?
Ting: A long time ago...
Me: I've never flossed in my whole life. I just tried, and I missed half a dozen teeth lor.
Ting: Hahaha... How does the gstring feel?
Me: I gave up. I rather wear a Gstring.

*I'm.still.on.a.roll.but.at.least.i'm.feeling.better*

2006-04-15T23:33:00.000+08:00

The One where You have to complete the sentence...

1. My ex is: Someone i would rather not talk about.
2. Maybe I should: Stop living in my own rigid rules.
3. I love: Him.
4. I don't understand: The particular species of men I tend to fall for.
5. I lose: My head when my heart gets involves.
6. People say I'm: A snob.
7. Love is: Trust, Understanding, Commitment.
8. Somewhere, someone is: Meant for me.
9. I will always: Be me.
10. Forever is: A 7 letter, 3 syllabus word.
11. I never want to: Feel my heart twisting.
12. I think the current US President: Needs Yun Nam Haircare.
13. When I wake up in the morning: I check my email.
14. My past is: What carved the present me.
15. I get annoyed when: People try to intrude into my personal space.
16. Parties are for: Meaningless social obligations.
17. My dog is: Dog.
18. My cat is: Cat.
19. Kisses are the best when: He finally uses it to puntuate 'I love you'.
20. Tomorrow: I hope miracles happen.
21. I really want: To be able to read people's thoughts. That, or a Canon Ixus Camera,
22. I have low tolerance for people who: Test my patience.
Stole from Jane Doe

*I.am.feeling.Emo*

2006-04-15T00:31:00.000+08:00

About smiles and laughter...

Smiles are one of the world most beautiful thing.
But sometimes, the rational behind those smile can be much darker than anyone can imagine it to be.

Smiling was part and parcel of my everyday job.
No matter how rough a night, how screwed up the morning had been,
before I reach 5metre radius of my work place, I will turn on the invisible switch that flicks on the smile immediately.
For perhaps it was not a smooth transition, I've been caught turning the black face to smiley face by some ppl,
and thereafter labelled - fake. Well, I'll like to believe I'm just being professional since smiling is one of my job requirement.

When I meet a person for the first time and label them - Acquaintances,
the smile I give them would probably be simple, short and sweet.
Nobody knows anybody, there's no point going beyond polite.
Then again, being the very critical person that I am, I sometimes find myselff throwing a curt smile for the sake of it.
I would never throw out wild laughters or big elaborated meaningful smile I people I just know.
Perhaps I'm guarded. Perhaps I'm just being anal. Perhaps I'm just being me :)

And then there are friends I can genuinely laugh with.
A touch on the arm, friendly push on the shoulder or slap on the leg would sometimes be brought in when silly things are done.
When I'm at ease, I smile genuine cheerful smiles and unguarded laughters.
My friends say they can differentiate these through the expressions in my eyes. I guess...

And then there are Those smiles and Those laughters.
Those smiles that I fix on with a big grin as my eyes search around in thin air and avoid gazes.
Those laughters that I giggle crazily and throw my head back as I quickly try to blink away the tears.
Those smiles and laughters guard my emotions.
If I successfully laugh it off, I would be like a man who had been brought to the brink of ejecuation and stopped.
Will proceed to masturbate and let it all out when left alone.

I usually manage to giggle it off.
It's something I've mastered over time.
I don't like my tears to fall in front of people. Too much pride. Too much vanity.
There are some very rare times when I can't hold back the tears though.
Those times, I know the emotions had overwelmed and had flooded the whole of me.
I remember the one most miserable day when I fought hard to hold back by giggling franctically.
I cried so hard that day. But not hard enough to knock my head awake to control my heart thereafter.

These days, I've learnt that if I don't get myself into situations that would coz me to emotionally climax to the brink of tears,
I wouldn't have to go through so much to fight it back.
And so I withdraw and hold back.
Stop sharing so much with people who don't need to know.
Stop relating so much to people who want me to know.
For I myself know that more often than not, advices fall on deaf ears and eventually, I would only listen to myself.

The other day, I smiled that smile and giggled those laughter again.
I suspect my company that night saw through it, but coz I managed to hold back, we changed topic and let it go.
I came home feeling miserable. I had to let it out of me.
After a night of smelling my pillow, i finally drifted off to sleep.
It's been quite awhile since I cried myself to sleep. It didn't feel too good.
I'm not going to risk myself going through that feeling again. The feeling of knowing I've lost... ...

The long day yesterday kept my mind off things.
And my very extremely hectic scedule ahead would probably mean that I won'thave much time left to think.
I hope it works well and numb me for now.
I can't afford to have to keep fighting myself internally.
It's so emotionally draining.

*Wry smile*

2006-04-14T02:05:00.000+08:00

Easter

I remember last year's Easter.
I remember you.
I remember us.

This year's Easter,
I'm thinking of you.
I'm thinking of us.

I want more Easters.
I want you.
I want us.

Why did it had to begin, went on, and end this way.
_ ____ ______.
_ ____ ___.
_ ____ __.

P.s If you're my friend, don't say a thing, don't ask a thing.
I know what you all have to say. It's hard enough for me. Just let me deal with it alone.

2006-04-13T12:53:00.000+08:00

About lip therapy...

I sleep in aircon everyday. Strong full blast aircon that gush onto me at 20 degrees celcius.
Needless to say, my skin suffer a little due to the moisture that the aircon sucks up.
It's not all that harsh on the skin though. It's the harshest on my lips.
On bad periods, my lips chap and peel a little causing my lipstick to look strange when applied.
Sometime back, I discovered Chapstick Lip Balm...

It worked well and my lips improved tremendously over time.
But about a month or so ago, I ran out of it.
And me being me being me, never quite found the time and convenience to head down to buy another.
Besides, my lips were fine already, so I probably didn't need it. WRONG.
My lips started to feel dry and occasionally peel again.
So yesterday, while shopping with Yvonne at... Mustafa, (my first time there leh!!!) I saw this...

Being the cosmetic whore that I am, I decided to cheat on Chapstick and jump ship to try out Vaseline.
So I applied it there and then when I bought it, and again before I went to bed last night.
This morning I woke up fresh and pretty when I realise something was not right.
My lips, were not like my lips anymore!!

They feel damn frigging soft and smooth and.. and.. and KISSABLE!!!
OHMIGOSH! Vaseline works like MIRACLE!!!
Not that I'm partaking in any lips locking action in my life at all (another reason to hate being single),
but that wonderful feeling of closing my lips together and feeling it so soft and tender,
left me touching my lips with my finger tip non stop the whole morning.
I is a happy woman.

*Now I'll just need someone to kiss me and prove my point. HAHAHAH*

2006-04-13T02:00:00.000+08:00

What would You call me?

After blogging for nearly 2 years under the moniker of sassyjan,
I've grew accustomed to people calling different renditions of my name.
But I was just wondering, what would most people prefer to call me?

I mean... say for e.g. my best friend - Jasmine.
I don't remember the last time I called her Jasmine man. She's always Jas or Jassy to me.
or say my darling Yan Bing, she's just Yen to us. Call such a long name for what rite? whahahaha
And then there's my favourite couple. I wouldn't call Li Ting, Li Ting coz I'm so used to her online moniker - Barffie.
Get what I mean? Luckily I have part of my name/moniker in my moniker/name.
So I have it easier... Not that tough to identify me. Then again, what is the most common 'shortcut' way to call out to me?
Okay, enough of my blabberings. VOTE! :Ppp

*Hop hop hop*

2006-04-12T16:23:00.000+08:00

Sms shite...

There are some sms-es which are a pain to read.
The shortcuts which i can't understand, the punnings of the words... and the none punctuation.
And all this is excluding the grandmother of all pains to read - broken ang moh or cheesy sweet nothings from strange men.

That day, I received this sms...
'Tken Diner?'

After 15 mins of staring at it, I had no choice but to reply,
'Tken Diner?!?!?!'

Only when he replied did I realise he actually meant,
'Taken Dinner?'

Needless to say, by the time I gave up deciphering the message, sent a reply and waited for his reply,
I've finished making arrangements for my dinner.

~ * ~

This is one sms I often receive and... it really takes the cake.
'u cuming?'

It's a no brainer question that should always be answer with, 'cuming soon'. kakakakaa

~ * ~

And last night, I received this sms which just screams for me to delete it immediately whether or not I understood it.
'okgd9mydr!swtdream!'

At first glance, I frowned and had to take a closer look.
Then I had to decipher the msg by mentally attempting to put in spaces and expand the words.
By the time I digested the message, the frown was fixed on my face as I deleted the msg with vengeance.

~ * ~

And then there are the msg that can almost take my breath and heartbeat away.
My samsung phone display the first approx 20 letters of the sms in my inbox list.
A few days ago, I received an sms from an unsaved that went...
'Hi Janice this is jam...'

For a moment I thought it was... *sigh* UNTIL... I opened the full message and... -___-""
'Hi Janice this is james from City Harvest Church blah blah blah...'

~ * ~

And there's the most irritating sms of the lot.
Sms which I hate to use unless I am F-ing pissed or I am out to irritate.
Likewise, I hate to receive it. One of it has got to be,

'Fine.'

the WTF sms that makes anyone go... 'FINE WAT?!'
and the other equally irritating one has got to be,

'okthxbye.'

Go figure.

~ * ~

I've never been a big fan of the sms system, other than periodically mass smsing frens to meet for dinner/drinks.
Yea, I'm usually the one organising for my friends coz the rest only know how to 'Roar' or make noise. WHAHAHA
I think if there is a 'most commonly sent sms' record in my phone, it would have to be this,

:)

For times when I think there's a need to be polite and send a reply.
That is if I even bother replying at all.

Recently, my inbox had perpetually been full, and it calls for a little spring cleaning to be done.
Unlike some people (like my brother's) hp's inbox which are spick and span - 'Inbox Empty', my inbox's filled with messages.
Those Merry Christmas/Happy New Year/Happy Birthday msgs I never quite got down to replying or deleting.
Those random sms from ppl whom I had not found time to save their hp no. into my phonebook.
And those significant sms which I would open and stare at for the whole night thinking or reminiscing.

*Handphone... *sigh...* a friend or a foe...*

2006-04-11T22:40:00.000+08:00

About babies, kids... families...

It was my niece's 1st birthday last saturday.
My whole family made it down to my cousin's place for her dinner party.
I didn't expect to see truckloads of kids running around when I arrived, so it was quite a ~~shock~~ surprise.

it's still strange looking at my cousin and thinking of her as a mother.. haha

My family's very cheena and have alot of chinese traditions and customary stuffs.
I'm not familiar with much of it. Granny and my 2nd Aunt is DAH Expert on all this.
In any case, we all giggled and looked on as Tian Tian went through what all of us in the family had went through before -
The stepping of Ang Ku Kuey and determining on what the baby's interest is in.

Apparently Tian Tian's 'interest' is in money. hahahaa.. Following the footstep of her banker mother eh.
Then another customary part of her 1st birthday - her first taste of adult food.

So adorable...

I pretty much figured If I can't beat them, join them lor...
I'm at a kiddy par-teh!!

I was pretty tired that day coz I didn't really sleep well the night before.
And it wasn't long before I call it a day, wave Tian Tian good bye and headed home.
Looking at all the kids, and my cousin with her own child make me wonder...
Are kids really all That cute?

Tian Tian & me during Chinese New Year...

Maybe maternal instincts had never really developed in me.
Or maybe those instincts were killed when my little sister 'appeared' so late in my life,
and turn out to be quite very the pain in the neck and noise box which I never learnt to appreciate.
I always wondered how ever did my parents managed to remain sane and married all these years.

Little me at sentosa...

My brother is a walking kid.
Late bloomer whom till now, had not seemed to have fully bloomed.
My sister is still a kid.
Being waaaaay younger than any of us, she's spoilt rotten by my parents and relatives.
Me... my mom says I Was the most obedient... smart... and too smart for my own good.
She never understood why I took all the unconventional routes in life, but I guess after all these years,
she had came to accept the way I do or not do things.

I once told my mom, 'If I were you, I would had killed me already.'
And everytime I tell her how I couldn't understand how she put up with 3 very different and wilful 'kids' in the house,
she would smile and say, 'When you're a mother, you would understand.'
Does maternal instincts really come and hit a woman hard when she's pregnant?

Mom knows I don't like kids and totally adhore unnecessary noises.
So perhaps in an attempt to change my mind,
she always use family occasions to touch me in a way I never quite wanted to be 'touched'.
'Look at us,' she would always say. 'Imagine if granny didn't have many children. We would not have such joyous gatherings.'
And honestly, I have to agree with her that I love these happy and big family gatherings.
But do I love it enough to want to have my own 'additions' in future... I guess perhaps only time would tell.

cute hor :DDD

As people around me start bearing and popping kids,
I sometimes wonder, what is the secret to having a 'perfect' child?
Not in the aesthetic sense of coz. Though I am still waiting patiently to see how Little 'Bradgelina' would turn out.
Psychologists says despite beliefs of 'being the parent we never had', we'll bring up the kid the way we were brought up.

I came from a perfectly formed family.
Which is probably one of the reason I am quite very strongly against divorces.
(The very same reason why I put up with my exbf's abuse for a year.)
I believe everything can be worked out if a couple puts in the effort in the relationship.
(Then again, sometimes... enough might not be enough. which is why I stopped believing and broke up.)
Though mom & dad had never displayed affection infront of us, I know they have their own private life behind the doors.

My family is warm, loving, and spend alot of time together.
We grew up with sunday as our family day. Mom, Dad, Bro & I would go to the zoo.. ecp... sentosa... or whereever, together.
Saturday evening was family day with my extended family having dinner at granny's.
Though time had past, and things are not the same as everyone had grew up and found our own activities,
my family still make it a point to meet whenever possible.
I was brought up with love and all... yet I still grew up quite a screwed up kid. WHAHAHAHAA.

If even such a wonderful family can end up with a child like me,
I don't even want to imagine how the plight of other families/child from broken or unloved families might be.
It's so tough to bring up a child now...
The material goods, the extra activites to make them unique, the tuition to make them smarter than other kids...
So much responsibilties... so many things to do... so little time to learn to do it Right.

I bumped into a girl last week. Barely legal, she have had 2 child with 2 different men.
Unmarried and all, she hardly have the ability to look after herself. Let alone bring up the child.
She showed me the photos of her children with pride. But I saw the haggard her in her eyes.
I smiled and ask her to take care when she left, and my heart goes out to the 2 young child.
Would they ever grow up emotionally healthy and loved?
Would they ever be able to grow up a fine young gentleman or lady who knows love?
Or would they forever live in the shadows of being an illegimate child & always be emotionally strained.

It's so much responsibility parenting a child. Let alone, single parenting a child.
I wouldn't be able to do it - Bring a child up single handedly & try to make up the lack of father figure with motherly love.
I once suspected I was pregnant when my menses was nearly 2 weeks late.
Many thoughts ran through my mind and I wonder what should I do if I really am.
After I managed to sit myself calmly to discuss the solution with my inner self, I realise,
Single parenting is never going to be an option. Making the guy marry me out of responsibility is not an option either.
So there was only one way out if I am really confirmed.

Many might think it is like murdering or whatsoever.
But in my opinion, having a say or choice in our own life is important.
And to be honest, I would rather murder the child than bring the child into the world to suffer a slow, painful death.
A physical death would never be as painful as an emotional death.
Besides, who would want to always look at the child and remember the man they once loved but could never have.
And that's the advice I always dish out to my girlfriends whenever the 'I think I struck *cough* lottery' topic arise.

So, either keep yourself or your girlfriend away from me unless both are going to take full resposibility of your own child.
I am not in favour of keeping a a body cell (under 2 months, it's just a cell) when I'm not confident of giving it a happy family.
And I never would be.

*A child NEEDS paternal AND maternal love*

P.s Or we can do it the right way - Leave sex till after marriage.
If Gareth weren't my friend, maybe I would chase him! whahaahahhah
I applaud his strong belief in keeping his male virginity. Male chivalry is not dead :D

2006-04-11T01:14:00.000+08:00

It's your Birthday darling, You HAVE to be happy :)

A msg from Yan came in at 6pm, asking me to meet her for dinner.
I gave her a call to get some cue from the situation. She didn't seem too happy. Sounded even pretty upset.
It reminded me that it is her birthday, and she should not have to look for people to celebrate it for her.
Naturally, I agreed. And immediately gave an emergency notice to the rest of the gang that our dear girl is alone.
I spent my birthday alone dwelling in my own misery. No friend of mine should have to go through that.

After some 'navigating' with the gang - Ben, Gareth, Jas and I cancelled all out dinner appointments and headed down.
Chris was working, and Jiel still in one of India's mountains trekking away. so there... excused.
I bought a bouquet of pale peach roses on my way down to Holland, hopped on a cab, picked Gareth from Dover,
bought a Chocolate Tiramisu cake from Sweet Secrets & arrived in Wala Wala at 7.45pm.

I risk running into familiar faces in Holland and braved it down in my specs.

fat Me & fit Mr SNAG, Gareth

Yan & me... Apparently she says cover the face will look slimmer so...

Yan arrived closed to 8. 'What are you doing here!' She shouted to Gareth.
Then she turned around and saw Jassy smiling at her.
Ben soon came too, and we starting gourging ourselves silly with chicken wings and pizza.
I guess the little surprise and the bouquet of roses had something to do with her smile and tears of joy.
She said she didn't know how I managed to get everyone at such short notice. And I don't know either.
Yan, you've got to thank them all for cancelling their plans too! :D

Me & Jassy

Me & Ben in our Specky get up.

Among all this little surprises, her boyfriend, Ian, called and told me he wanted to surprise her by turning up.
There wasn't much I can say except agree and inform the rest of them about the 'secret' plan via sms.
We kept the cake well and started toking crap throughout the night.
And we realise, all of us are in very different working industries.
Ben - Accountant, Jas - Teacher, Yan - Nurse, Me - Events Whatever, Gareth - Er.. Instructor?, Jiel - Mountain climber. HAHA
I wonder 10 years down the road, when we would all possibly be married, old and rigid,
would we still enjoy each other's company like we do now, and meet up regularly over drinks or dinner.

So anyway, Ian soon came and surprised Yan with 10 stalks of Red roses.
Looking at her happy face tells me that the night had been good for her.
Boyfriend, old friends altogether happy and cheery.

I am happy I finally wished one of my good friends Happy Birthday on time.
Jassy and Ben was mentioning about how I never remembers the dates, or rather, how I always get it all wrong.
(Apparently I called both of them 1 day late AFTER their birthday was over, and excitedly wish them Happy Birthday.
I even actually waited till 12 MN to wish Ben okay! Tun out I was exactly 24 hours late. hurhurhur)

My dear ger, there's no need to thank me really.
I didn't wanted to hear you spend your birthday alone at home dwelling about anything unhappy.
I would rather you come out, ruin all our prior plans and make yourself happy. HAHAHA
So now, you owe all of us one big one, and we're waiting to claim this back :P
Whatever it is, Love ya girl, take care of yourself and all.
It's your birthday. Remember you should have the ultimate right to be happy!

*Hugz*

2006-04-10T17:32:00.000+08:00

Day 2 of being a Geek

I have to say I totally love the Ted Baker spectacle case.
It's a nice looking black lush velvet case. And the microfibre cloth with retro print is just adorable.
I have nothing to say about my specs though. I still think I look better without it.

Last night, I happened to get off the cab when I saw my mom got off dad's car.
She turned around and saw me, grinned and ask, 'So how? Comfortable in it?'
She's amused she would ever see me out in a pair of glasses.
And to admit, I don't feel all that bad except that I'm irritated to hve to keep pushing my glasses up.
A reminder that my nose bridge is barely existant. BOOHOOHOOOOO!!

I'm heading out for dinner soon, probably gonna do some walking or whatever to cool off my hot headed-ness.
I am feeling the Great grandmother of all Pms-sy. Headache, tired, backache and the works.
I was in the bathroom checking out the reflection of my own body when I shouted out to my mom,
'I think I just gained hell lot of weight! I AM FAT!'
Expecting her to say something nice, I turned a few rounds infront of the mirror to check myself out from every angle.
Then she shouted back, 'What? Now then you realised you had been gaining weight? But nevermind, still early, still got hope!'
I walked into the other side of the bathroom where I can't see my reflection and sat down on the toilet bowl.
I think you can call that feeling - Dejected.

*I am a fat geek! :(((*

2006-04-09T23:46:00.000+08:00

Cab Chat

The cab I had called for was waiting.
I opened the door, sat in the cab and put on my seatbelt,
nonchalantly tossing my laptop and bag on the seat next to me.

The cab driver looked into the rear mirror 'Going back to the office on a sunday?'

'Yea, Have got work to rush, no choice' I said, smiling before I lean back and close my eyes.

He didn't seem to notice my gesture and went on, 'Work and relationship is the same, if you like it, go for it, pursue it.'

'Uncle, sometimes it's not as simple as it sounds. I'm a woman.' I muttered, my eyes still closed.

'Who says woman cannot pursue what they want? Who say woman cannot make the first move?' He replied,
and went on, seeing that I showed no response, 'Relationship is hard work you know, Marriage is like a full time job.
My wife and I had been married for 20 over years with no kids, so I always tell her we must keep our relationship alive.'

I opened my eyes. I smiled when I noticed him smiling at me through the rear mirror.

'Every morning I wake up and look at my wife, and there's just the connection between us and I know I love her.
You look at me, so old and normal looking. I always tell her I don't know what she sees in me. And she would smile at me.
Her smile is so warm, so loving. After so many years, her smile still never change.
In a relationship, you need to have that connection.' he smiled again. 'You have a boyfriend?'

'I suppose I can consider myself to had just broken up.' I said. 'A month plus ago.' I voluntarily added.

'It must be very hard isn't it? All relationships, when just end, all yao4 si3 yao4 huo2 (want to die) one.' He said with a chuckle.
And then he questioned. 'Was there that connection between you both? Was he a good guy?'

I'm usually put off by people asking me questions, but somehow, I felt comfortable enough to talk to him,
'We're just normal I guess. But that's what I like about him. The simplicity...'

He cut me off before I could continue, 'No romance, no sweet words, just all plain mundane stuff?'

I laughed, 'I guess you can put it that way.'

'Men like that are good in their own way.' He said and smiled at me again. 'If you think he's good, don't let it go.'

I laughed again, 'No uncle, Please don't encourage me. It was hard enough when I decided to let it go.'
There was a little silence in the air, then I added, 'He even forgot my birthday.'

'Oh... But surely there is some fire in the relationship. Some impulses?' He asked.

I raised an eyebrow when I sense where the conversation was heading to.
Though he seemed like a genuinely nice and harmless taxi driver, I didn't think he had the right to probe.
Perhaps he saw me frowned and felt the silence.

'In every relationship, there are bound to be some fire. Impulse for kisses, for hugs, for body contacts.
It's very natural, though generally women are more shy. I can tell you, I can never put off for long with my wife.
At most 1 and a half month. No man can hold that long.' He said.

I could had let him stop there and ignored the conversation. But I felt myself replying.
'Oh well, he could. Much longer than that even.' I forced a smile. 'Then again, we sometimes only meet once or twice a month.'

He kept silent for quite awhile. 'How old is he?'

'Thirty Four going thirty five.'

He kept silent for a long while before he looked into the rear mirror, 'Don't mind me asking, he's married?'

I laughed replying, 'Not that I know of. Maybe I'm just unattractive.'

'It's not that for sure! Maybe he's just very shy.' He said. 'Maybe he's too busy with work.'

Just then, my phone rang - Important call.
'Sorry, excuse me, Work call.' I explained before picking up the call.

In my heart I thought, Thank God for this timely call.
Else, I don't know what excuses I can conjure up to try to lie to myself about the many possible underlying reasons.
Cab drivers can be such thought intrigue-gers sometimes.

Is there really a burning fire within every relationship?
Can't it be just a comfortable, I-smile-just-by-looking-at-you relationship?
Love yi4 ding4 yao4 hong1 hong1 lie4 lie4 de4 ma1?

*I guess I would never know for certain*

2006-04-09T14:47:00.000+08:00

I'm going Blind!!!

I scratched my cornea while on my way home from Tian Tian's birthday party.
The burning pain in my left eye was so bad I had to rush myself down to my optician.
I'm not to wear contacts for the next few days she says :(((

I would like to coup myself up at home and convince myself to sleep and rest the blardy eye.
But am so up to my eyeballs with this and that, and I have to get out of my house.
So I picked up my newly made Ted Baker Specs and headed into the streets for the first time in years.
Seriously, I would rather be 'blind' without my glasses than actually wear them out.
But today got work today.... No choice :(((

*I feel ugly and unattractive*

2006-04-08T17:07:00.000+08:00

Old days - The Good and the Bad.

I saw this link on FF's blog and gawd...
did it bring back memories!

for optimum viewing, click on play, then pause immediately, allow the video to finish loading before playing it.

I have to admit I did used to try to imitate that song before.
Quite a few times... okay. Maybe a little more than a few :X This is embarassing.
I noticed something though... Aaron Kwok's hair reminds me of Jeffrey's hair! *runs and hide*
Anyway, some pictures for all our staring pleasure :DDD

I look like a statue here for some reason. Very fake and soul-less eh?

Alritey, am going to get prepared to go to little Tian Tian's birthday dinner soon.
1 year old... So fast... seems like just a blink of an eye time span...
When my cousin got married years back, I broke news to my extended family that I've broken up with Mr Strawberry Milk.
It was many months into the break up but I didn't say a thing till they asked if he was coming for the wedding dinner.
Last night, while I chatting over drinks to some acquaintances I just got to know,
I realise how small this world is...
They actually kind of know Mr Strawberry Milk's brother and they've met that arse alrite.

Kind of make me realise no matter how one dodge or try to avoid the past,
it would never be a clean slate like it was when we were all young and... in diapers.
Just talking about him caused tons and tons and tons of bad luck yesterday.
I know I always say I don't believe in luck. So in that case, I guess it was God's timely reminder that Kel's an arse.
Okay fine, maybe not. But just needed to get it off my chest abt how just mentioning his name caused me a string of bad luck.
Guess I'm gonna get running before my mom knocks down my door and drag me to the dinner. Tata!

*May I not be lazy to take pictures tonight*

2006-04-08T13:23:00.000+08:00

Frustration Therapy

I think I've kana-ed the insomia.
Been having trouble sleeping recently...
Did noticed that it usually happens after a night of alcohol downing.
The churning neckache, the empty yet restless mind forces me to toss and turn and stare into thin air.

After a night of tossing, lack of proper sleep, had to wake in the weeee hours of the morning.
Not to mention an indescribeable frustrating wait that pissed me no end.
I've never been a very patient person, and waiting was definitely not my forte.
15mins is the max I would usually wait for friends before I drop a message to cancel the whole shite.
Today, I stretched. Granted, I was 10mins early for the appointment and that's my own business.
But to make me wait on for another 1hour and 5mins was really taking the cake.
No self respecting women (or men for that matter) would put up with that.
Naturally, I left.

In my frustrations, I headed on a cab down to Westmall to see Anne - My manicurist.
At least I know there's somebody up and awake at this time in the morning to listen to my whinings face to face.
So over a manicure and pedicure, I whined and we yakked and I finally cooled down.
She did an 'Interfrench manicure' for me though.. in a black base. Must be my face and moody whinings...
Looking at my nails brings a great sense of satisfaction. I guess it's a look good, feel good mentality.

Looks abit strange here coz I took it too close up and hand was shaking.

My blardy cough is building up again, and my nose had been blocked and itchy.
I is not recovering :(((
Anyone have any idea what besides, coffee can keep people awake? (I don't take coffee)
What besides panadol can cure a headache? (I'm allergic to panadol -_-)

Have to attend my cousin's daughter's birthday dinner later in the evening.
Am so tired I feel like just lying down on my keyboard to doze off right now :(
Had wanted to go watch dearest Barffie's bellydance performance tonight.
But things are not looking good and I'm really smashed.
May the dark clouds be blown away and everything be pink and rosy soon.

*Great Grandmother of all Headaches... sighh...*

2006-04-07T17:25:00.000+08:00

Sigh...

i am tired :(

*pout*

2006-04-06T01:40:00.000+08:00

Why I'm an Apple Computer.

I was fiddling around with my beloved iBook when my SATC Season 6 DVD refused to run.
I was inserting, and ejecting and inserting and ejecting and blah blah coz my DVD player keeps going,
'Error: DVD can't be played. It is Dirty or scratched.'
Trust me, only mac computers are so frigging anal. the desktop pc plays it perfectly fine. (but my bro needs to use the pc. AUGH!)
In my calm frustration, (I know it's an irony, but really, trust me, it happens) something hit me.

Yes, That I'm like an Apple Computer.

What constitutes to being an Apple computer you might ask.
Well, for one, Apple computers are totally anal.
If you're not mac compatible, that's it.
They don't try to accomodate you, and there's definitely (almost) no downloads that can help to make things better.
They only take what they think is compatible with their system, and the rest?
Well, F it. It would just move on without that uncompatible counterpart... no matter how anyone forcely insert it and blah blah.

What's totally totally anal about it is that - Pc compatible parts are a dime a dozen.
But Mac compatible parts are really... a rare find. And they are usually expensive. (My blardy SIMS 2 costs 60 buckaroos!)
Oh... yes... and Apple computers are generally boring.
Generally there are no fun games which are Mac compatible. My iBook's only default game is nanosaur. (WhatTheHell is nanosaur, I don't know.)

So what does that make me?
An anal, picky person who has no fun, have little but equally snobbish & weird friends (HAHAH! My dear friends, you're all in this with me),
I feel sorry for myself already!

Then again, we Apple computers are known to be absolutely gorgeous,
REAL (yes, what you see on screen is exactly what you get in print. Why dya think designers all uses Mac)...
and absolutely unique.

Now... just let me go figure how I am going to watch the last few episode of SATC tomorrow with mom in the house.
The moaning sounds that Samantha makes in almost every episode is soooo not going to help.
Oh btw, I spent a couple of hours today seriously doing some research and studying it.
Things are not looking all that good. I realise I just might have been a tad too optimistic about stuffs.
More updates about this next week :)

*The only real downside to it? - Apple laptops are generally heavy. BLEAH!*

P.s Most importantly, an Apple computer never crashes down on you. They are relaible that way *wink*

2006-04-04T21:16:00.000+08:00

Random Rants!

I was strolling around some obscure shops when my mom saw a shop selling alot of junks AND bras.
She had always nagged at how much I spend on my bras (Triumph, Blush! etc) so when she saw those...

Mom: See! Here the bras so cheap!
Me: *silence*
Mom: Wah! This one only $4.90 leh!
Me: *silence*
Mom: Take a look lah! Don't have to spend so much on your bra one.
Me: *silence*
Mom: Wear inside also nobody see.
Me: Mommy ah! This type of bra wear already later spoil my neh neh lah! And who say nobody see! I not human ah!

~ * ~

I was having a Msn with Jeffrey the other day.
Was trying to convince myself that I am fine with how I ~~look~~ weigh.

Janisism:
i so light

NaiveGuy:
rittttttttttteeeeee

Janisism:
WAT WAT WAT

NaiveGuy:
if you add a few more helium balloons yeah

Janisism:
i is so light i dun dare to carry helium balloons. later i float away HOWWWW

NaiveGuy:
like that you can have lesbo sex with chang er

Janisism:
WHAHAHAHAHAAHAH

NaiveGuy:
and a threesome with teh rabbot

NaiveGuy:
rabbit

SO LAME RITE!
Threesome with Labbit and Chang Er LAH! Cannot stand it.

~ * ~

Was talking to my mom over breakfast one morning while I was reading about all the political shite in the papers.

Me: Had you ever voted?

Mom: Erm... I think once.

Me: I don't think we get to vote this year you know.
No one bothers to fight for this god-forsaken place.

Mom: Yah...

Me: So anyway, who did you vote for that time?

Mom: Hm... you say leh...

Me: The PAP lah!

Mom: No leh. I voted for the opposition.

Me: HUH?! How come? Who was in the running that year?

Mom: I don't know anything one lor.

Me: Then why you vote for the opposition?

Mom: Singapore too peaceful liao.
Besides, you see, when the opposition gains more 'support',
our government give us money to buy our hearts. HAHA.

Me: You mean the incentives ah?

Mom: Yea. Hopefully this time the PAP lose more seats.
Then the next round they will be nervous and give more money.

Me: -_-

With citizens like my mother around,
the government really need to take a better approach to educating the public on what's actually going on.
I for one, don't know what GRC am I in. Let alone who's my MP :P

~ * ~

Just went for dinner with my mom.
As we left the house, I suddenly remembered I forgot something important!
Something that is quite unaccepted at the lao ya coffeeshop I am going to.

Me: AHHHHHH!!! MOMMY! Give me the keys!!!
Mom: What you forget to bring again? Why you always forget things one?
Me: Aiyah don't ask so much. Give me the key.
Mom: Not important don't go back and take liao lah.
Me: I FORGOT TO WEAR MY BRA LAH!
Mom: BRA ALSO CAN FORGET?!

Was too comfortable at home I forget all about it lor.

~ * ~

I bought a new M)Phosis case for my beloved iPod Nano. Damn Gorgeous.

'Nuff said :D

*I is happy (thought drowsy from the 3 days of medication) HOP HOP HOP*

2006-04-04T00:26:00.000+08:00

Pre-trip rantings and more...

Gosh, I had not went overseas for a long long time.
Usually I go on (almost) all expenses paid trips sponsored by the good samaritians called boss/boyfriend/dad.
SO this time, I have to worry about expenses and all that shite.
I'm so glad I picked Redang because the last time I went, all I bought was one crappy Tshirt - for momento.
And a bag of sweet lovely mangoes which wasn't paid for by me.
There was absolutely nothing I could spend on over there. Even the trip then, was sponsored.

This time!
I'm fretting about everything. And I realise everything costs money.
I have no excuse not to go diving this time.. and that costs money.
I've counted my menstrual cycle, and if it does not go cuckoo on me as it did last month, I'm safe.

I figured a swimsuit would give 10 times uglier tan than a bikini.
And since I'm already getting out of sg, I won't be so suay to meet people I know. So no one would see fat fugly me.
I can prance around in the bikini and no one would point, laugh at me in the face and take my fat picture. So there.
And did I mention bikini cost money. and TMD expensive okay.
I am still lusting over the tanthrough bikinis and... anyone want to buy too? Share shipping costs :DDD
I saw a white bikini at topshop that seems really nice. only 63 bucks,
but... i heard white bikini when wet is see through rite? plus it is not tan through one.

I'm also kinda hopeing to find some time for spa in the evening to pamper ourselves.
But if I didn't remember wrongly, the bloody spa is bloody expensive.
But what better way to pamper ourselves after a crazy afternoon out in the mad sun and sea rite!
But that too, costs money lor.

AND THEN, I realise I don't exactly have a decent travel bag.
The past few trip to Malaysia, I just dump my stuffs in my Fila sports bag and carry the rest on my hand coz drive in.
But this time no car to stuff my things. Every.single.thing.got.to.be.in.the.bag.
Then again, I don't exactly have much things to bring rite... 3 days only wat... rite?
WRONG! I'm a woman! I pack clothes I can wear up to a week if I get shipwrecked! HAHA

Then, the GRANDMOTHER OF ALL FRETS - Camera.
I used to bring my laptop when I head out of singapore coz my frigging louzy camera can only store 20 decent pics.
So I have to keep transferring the pics into my laptop whenever I take a few pics.
But now, my laptop battery is in such a bad condition that it can barely last 45 min without my adapter.
So I'm not bringing my lappy coz cruises does not allow u to bring electrical stuff on. (no power plug for u to charge one)
How to take nice pics u tell me!
Jeffrey had offered to lend me a underwater camera he have, but it runs on film. Old.School.Film.
I need a nice digi camera! Someone want to trade in their nice digi cam with my lao ya pok olympus one?
I saw that Courts having some sales shite and I went to take a look at my dream Canon i500 cam. TMD. still so ex.
My handphone is chalking up hundreds of buckaroos each month cos of all the pictures i mms to my com to blog.

I feel so miserable thinking about how all this expenses could chalk up to be.
AND DID I MENTION I'M NOT WORKING? I think I did. Dry season for events man...
Time to start finding time to go do my driving license before it really expires,
and yea... need to put more serious time aside to communicate with my books.

Yesterday, after dinner with my family, we went spectacles shopping for my brother.
While he was trying on the specs and asking for my opinion, I started wondering perhaps...
Perhaps I always end up with the wrong guys coz of my image. Maybe I need a more SHU NU (read: nerd) image.
I remembered someone once said I probably would look good in those black frame specs.
So I got excited with the idea of having a new image for my current studying, tuang-ing, freelance wrk stint,
and toyed around with a few pairs before adding my stash with my bro's and TA DAH!
New pair of specs in the making!! Can collect it on thursday!! i is excited!!
Got hi index lenses and all, so it would be thinner, lighter and more expensive. it's on mom's tab so yea :X
Probably a treat back to me after my $157 treat to the blardy nail salon last month.

Okay. enough of my boring rantings, I'm gonna wash up and finish up SATC Season 4.
Will be busy shopping, getting my season 5 & 6, lunching with barffie tml.
And then maybe I would get down to some serious busines.

Oh yes yes... health update: Had trouble sleeping last night coz of the cough.
Mom threatened not to allow me to sleep in and would drag me to the clinic if I cough like mad again tonight.
I don't want to see the doctor. But I was still having cold drinks, french fries and pineapples earlier.
I think I'm gonna have to scotchtape my mouth down later :(
Mom say I look pale leh. sian diao. Y never say I lost weight.

*Dum Dum Di Dum... I can't believe u guys read my boring rants*

2006-04-01T18:32:00.000+08:00

SATC rant(s)...[Updated... like MAD]

Now that I have like a dozen DVDs sitting on my bed and am burning my afternoon to watch it...

Okay. Wait a min. I'm only at episode 7 of season 1.
You know the part about wanting the monogamy commital relationship with Mr Big,
and feeling totally irked out at other men who are hitting on her (which is something she used to secretly enjoy?)
And then doing things totally irrational only because she doesn't know what this Mr Big guy is thinking and all those shite...

Hey. Are you sure I'm a Charlotte and not a Carrie.
I certainly feel like a Carrie sometimes you know. (I know I've only known her for 7 episodes, but yea..)
Maybe I'm like a Charlotte living in Carrie's shoes.
Or maybe I'm like a half half or something.
Whatever it is. I think I feel like a Carrie but I thinks like a Charlotte. EEKS!
And yes... I play by the No sex on first (insert X no.) of dates, and about the BJ part... (okay.. I think this is better not discussed.)

*Back to DVD watching and muching on junk food*

P.s Can somebody like tell me did Carrie and Mr Big... eventually work out or something?
Or... did he turn out to be somebody she didn't want to realise that he is?
you know... she thinks he's like wonderful and everything and.. it turns out that maybe... the truth hurts?

SATC rant II

Okay... Watching a new set of DVD does Not justify why I would update this blog with all my random thoughts.
Thus, I'll just add on the Part II on the same post (since it's the latest one afterall).

After going into season 2 of SATC, i'm starting to see why Barffie and... er...
all those SATC quizzes says i'm a Charlotte.
We've both got all these warped ideologies and... yea.. ideals and... rules.

Like how she thinks, 'It takes half the total time you take with someone to get over them.'
That's so totally what I always say. Like Serious!
I've been telling myself I can justify the hurt I feel, and I have well, a few more months to get over it.

On the other hand, I think I can understand Carrie because her relationship with Mr Big.
You know the... 'Are we in a relationship or are we not' thang?
the... 'Who am I to you', the start acting strange and storms off when mr Big goes, 'What's wrong with you' thang,
and the time-spent-acting-like-an-irrational-bitch-coz-she's-totally-confused kind of feeling.

*You know... I can totally identify with that feeling. So abso-frigging-lutely*

SATC rant III

Had you ever ransacked the room of the guy you were dating?
Watching Carrie ransack the room of that guy she is seeing reminded me of something.

I remember I was once left in the house while the guy left for a trip to the office.
It was sweet of him to let me to sleep in while he go get busy isn't it.
So when my gerfren msged me and I told her I was over at his place,
she asked y am I not looking around... you know, find out more about him and stuffs.

I lied on the bed wondering for a moment on why I didn't... and I realised that I just couldn't.
You know, here's this guy who trust you enough to leave you at his place.
And for a relationship to even go to That level of trust, I suppose it should be two way. No?
It's like... how would I like it if someone looked through all my stuffs without my permission,
and then proceed to size me up with their little dicoveries among my belongings or watsoever.
I always believe we should never do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you.

I recall a guyfriend who once told me that his girlfriend looked through his msn logs.
And so like DUH! He couldn't accept that. I see where he was coming from of coz.
There you are leaving a woman you trust in your house, and her insecurity takes the better of her,
and she starts to try to dig for your dirty secrets or proofs of your infidelity.
Hey ladies (some of you, at least), get a grip on yourself already!

In any case, back to that faithful day...
so I replied my gerfren's sms saying that I was doing none of that,
proceeded to keep the DVD that we were watching the night before, back into his CD case,
and headed straight back to bed till he came home and woke me up.

Just thinking back, I felt good about myself for not acting like an insecured freak that day.
You know people always say you won't know how you'll react till you're put in the situation:)
At least I know I was in that situation before, and I did none of that crap *wink*

I did kind of Think I saw an Adult rated DVD sitting on top of the player though. But I kept mum-ed and shrugged it off.
It reaffirms my firm beliefs about how, 'Some things are better left unknown' ;)

*Meanwhile, back to watching the DVDs:D *

SATC rants IIII

The only thought running through my head now is - 'At least they had great sex'.

Man... those women... don't vaginas rot from over usage or something?
Don't bodies has a secret alarm that goes, 'UH HUH! This is Sex Partner No. 5! That's one too many',
and then proceeds to blow up the sexual organs with a huge dosage of HIV virus which kills you in 3 days?
Gawd! Look AT those promiscuous lifestyles... Is that the route to finding True Love... the secret to finding The One?

Call me delusional, idealistic or whatever...
But watching SATC had made me realise I actually feel pity for some of them.
Carrie... She's a fool. But I'm a bigger fool than she is.
I'm only at season 2 and episode 13, but I'm already secretly praying that the fool herself has a happily ever after ending...
And I HATE shows with happily ever after endings and everyone knows that. (you know, Moulin Rouge, Cold Mountain, PTO, etc...)

*PLUS, I DON'T even remotely remember the last time i had orgasm during sex*

P.s Pardon me for these de-shelved thoughts and all. i know these rants are kinda random and doesn't really makes much sense. But it's just me being me, sharing my honest thoughts after watching a very honest show.

P.s One of my girlfriends just went, 'Hey! want to do dinner tomorrow? (insert boyfriend's name) is heading out with his friends.'
Great... Just great... I'm probably the only single one around who's watching DVD in bed on a possibly interesting weekend.
I bet our other girlfriends are taking forever to confirm the dinner coz they are doing a raincheck with their bf or busy schedule. *AUGH*

i.so.hate.being.single.sometimes. forget it. make that 'all.the.time'

SATC rants IIIII

Can you believe it?!
I actually cried on the last episode of season 2,
when Carrie found out Mr Big's getting engaged and invited her to his engagement party.

I NEARLY thought I felt that once, when I received an sms from well... the guy, telling me he was heading to the ROM.
I never, NEVER forgot how I felt at that moment when I actually thought he was the one you know... tying the knot.
I was like... Oh...

Yes, 'Oh...' Is what I mutter when I am absofrigginglutely gobsmakked.
But whatever it was, the 'I'm really happy to know that, send them my regards', I said after he told me it was his fren's,
was one of the MOST genuinely line i had EVER said in my entire life.

In any case, not that I have That many ex-es, (Believe me, I don't)
but if any of my past/current OR future ex-es, EVER gets married before I find/found my The One,
Please, if you ARE them, or if you know them, tell them NEVER to invite me to their engagement or wedding party.
Coz it's just not me to remain friends with ex-es,
and I really don't think I can even try to act happy & give well wishes to their future life journey with their new spouse.
It's good enough that I don't even curse and secretly bitch about the lowdowns of 'The New Girl'.
So there... I just learnt something about myself - I don't react well to ex-es.

*Especially their new girl*

P.s It's official. I'm single and I have no life. zilch. nada. It's 6.30am and I've been watching 14 hours of DVD on a weekend.
I think I'm gonna take up the dinner offer tomorrow. (Girlfriend: If you're reading this... Can we Not talk about boyfriends? hurhur..)

2006-04-01T15:01:00.000+08:00

I am very sick...

Running a fever, sneezing... and I've lost my voice.
I don't even have the voice to whine about how terrible I feel,
so here I am whining.
I IS SICK!!!! :((((((

~ * ~

So last night, despite feeling kinda sickly, lethargic and sore (in the throat),
I dragged myself out of my bed, called a cab and headed out into the rainy stormy outdoors.
Was early for my manicure appointment, so I thought I would go check out the tanthrough bikinis at Heeren.
And GAWD... were they ugly!!
It was quite a sight to behold, looking at those ugly flimsy things.
Why don't they have nice designs like the tanthrough.com webby.

After being tremendously let down-ed, I headed down to Plaza Sing - Good Earth Nail Spa, for my mani appt.
I have a huge complain about how I think sometimes, things always seem to always go wrong whenever I... nvm.
But anyway, my regular manicurist is 'shifting'. She's moving to the Westmall branch :(
Seriously, I've went through the hands of so so many manicurists, and none had given me as much satisfaction as Anne.
Her sense of aesthetic... her neat careful works... and her quiet demeanor...
Cannot find one lor! I'm a big fan of french manicures and she's a big fan of giving french manicures,
occasionally asking me if i want to try a certain special style, a different base or special color combi.
*sigh* whatever it is, I think I'm going to have to start dragging my arse to Westmall in future or look for another :(
Anyway, this is the latest manicure I just did....

French Manicure with a line of glitter between the nail base and the tip.

Oh.. and that's the ring I bought from Liang Court sometime back. Nice hor?
It was love at first sight.

Jeffrey picked me up at PS, and we drove down to Balestier for Bah Kut Teh.
Damn delicious Bah Kut Teh! though I have to say it is slightly too peppery for my taste.
but still, it is so delicious that... Okay... more about this later.
So anyway, I realise I left 2 big envelopes I was suppose to mail out, at the Nail Salon.
And we had to rush to finish our dinner and go back to get it from them before they close.
I is such a forgetful doink! :(

After the rush and all, we went to pick Barffie from her bowling and headed down to Clarke Quay.
It's gonna be my last trip to MOS for a very very long time.
I've lost the 'will' to club ever since my Attica days.
And thus, I think I'm gonna forgo the MOS membership. No point lor...
So, the plan was to go finish that DAMN bottle that had been outstanding for so DAMN long.
I hate to pull strings and owe favours from people (to extend the bottle dateline).

It read's the Devil's Bottle. hurhur. courtesy of the waiter there.

Bumped into some friends, ex clients, strange ppl along the night.
But most of the time I was just drinking quietly and ~~nursing~~ killing my throat.
Thus had alot of time to cam whore. Will just post a few random ones up.

I was shivering and breaking out in cold sweat at the end of the night.
My voice transformed to a low transvestite-like sound.
I was feeling so so so terrible I felt like just whacking my head to make myself knock out there and then.
Thank God they decided to drive down to have more Bah Kut Teh before sending me back.
So it was Round 2 of the delicious Bah Kut Teh at Balestier again!!

I totally knocked out on the car and only woke when Barffie pushed me a few times. hahah
Ate a big mouthful of the pi pa gao, washed up, change into some warm clothing,
and snoozed for the rest of the night and morning.

Am now too sick to lift a limb.
Let alone go visit my Dad's Mother's 2nd Husband's 1st Wife's Son at my uncle's place.
I think I'm going to stay in and watch SATC for the rest of the day with a ice pack and lotsa warm water.

*Sigh... I hate being sick.. I take forever to get well...*

2006-03-31T02:34:00.000+08:00

Tan Through Bikini/Swimsuit

As the date of the cruise is approaching,
Yvonna and I had went shopping for suitable apparels and all.
Slim, petite size her can afford to wear a bikini, so of coz she's thinking of tanning on the cruise.
And me leh... I figured that as much as I hated getting dark, I have no choice.
Go snorkelling/diving (we had not quite decided) sure will get dark one.
So instead of whining over how I don't wan to get darker,
why not plan how I can use this chance to get rid of the ugly tanlines I've gotten some.. 5 yrs ago (which never faded!)
(And oh yea.. I was wondering when the ship goes into international sea, does it still have law against tanning nekkid. HAHA)

I ran a search on internet and found only this website selling tan through bikini/swimsuit.
And being the ultra ~~cheapo~~ nice person that I am, I wonder if anyone else is interested too!
Coz if buy more, got discount and shipping cost can be shared :DDD
I've laid my eyes on either of these beauties. The bikini i mean. not the babe. (though the body is really to-die-for)

Nice hor!

Here are some Q & A on the tan through Bikinis.
I'm trying to get everything confirmed and get it shipped in before my cruise trip.
So there... ANYONE INTERESTED!!! :DDD

*hops around excitedly*

P.s I is nervous. I had only wore a bikini twice in my WHOLE LIFE. I is so fat now. HOWWWWW?

2006-03-30T01:21:00.000+08:00

About how God touch my life...

My whole family are non-believer of Christ, so to many, they often wonder how was it I got to know Him,
how did I manage to get my parents acceptance for my belief in Christ.
I seldom share with others my testimony.
For one, I think it's too long winded and for another, it bring back alot of my past memories.
A history of myself that I had long left behind me.

It was until that night sitting at the sidewalk outside Lido with Yvonne at 12MN that I shared my testimony.
About how I felt God work in my life and how I experience for myself His Love and presence in me.
It made me ashame to admit how I had not been attending church faithfully for the past year or so.
And so I did last Sunday...

But this past week, something inside me had been urging me to share this testimony.
To tell others how I came to experience God for myself. So there...
If you're a believer and had backslided, I hope my testimony would remind you on how He had touched Your life.
If you're a non believer, perhaps just read on with an open mind... Treat it like reading a little story book :)

~ * ~

I grew up in a buddhist family and always thought Christianity was just a man dead on a wooden cross.
In primary school, I spend recesses debating with my schoolmates about the existance of God and the bible.
I was quite a bright student back in Raffles. When PSLE came, I chose 6 girls school.
1) Raffles 2) Nanyang 3)Methodist Girls' 4)Singapore Chinese 5)Crescent 6)St Margaret
Because of a family friend - Dionne, who was studying there, mom told me to put in Fairfield as one of my choices.
I stuffed it in just before Crescent coz of their higher cut off point & cancelled out St Margaret coz of the ugly uniform.
And anyway, my usual school results would had easily secure me a place in Raffles or Nanyang.
But God knows what happened to me and I did SUPER badly for my PSLE - 240 and got posted to Fairfield Methodist.

I hated Fairfield when I was first posted there.
I hated it even more when I kept hearing the, 'It is not by chance that you are here. It is by God's blah blah yadda'
I hated boys. I hated daily devotion. I hated weekly chapel. I hated having to bring a bible.
But little did I know God placed me there to use these daily devotions and weekly chapel to drill his words into my head,
to wear down the walls of resistance I had against him, to build a strong foundation in me for my endeavors ahead.

I believe you all had heard quite abit of my relationship with Mr Stawberry Milkshake before, so I won't go into details.
But during the traumatising period that I was with him, living through the physical and mental abuse,
I attempted suicide a grand total of 4 times in my depression.

The first time I slit my wrist, I wanted to die.
I felt there was nothing in this life worth living for.
Because of that relationship, I fell out with my family and moved out, I gave up my studies and quit school,
I forsaked all my friends coz he didn't allow me to go out and my friends disapproved of him.
And after giving up everything for him, and believing in him, all I got was abuse, abuse and more abuse.
The first time, I didn't die.

The second time I did it, I was bent on dying.
I slit many many more and deeper cuts into my wrist.
The second time, I still didn't die.

The 3rd time, I didn't believe in dying from slitting of wrist anymore.
I sat on the thin ledge... the 17th floor... intending to jump down to end the all my sorrows.
I remember seeing my legs dangling from the wall. I remember my only grip was a flimsy metal bar.
I remember just as I close my eyes and was intending to take that final leep, my handphone rang.
Can you belive it?! I actually had my handphone in my pocket when I was trying to commit suicide!
Almost none of my friends still keep in contact with me anymore coz of my relationship. I was shock the call came so timely.
It was Valerie. She called just coz she was wondering how I was.
I remember crying into the phone telling her It's probably the last time I'm going to hear her again.
I remember telling her to tell Jasmine to take care of herself if she sees her.
I remember saying that almost final goodbye before I was pulled off the ledge from the back.
The third time, I failed to die. again.

The 4th and final time I attempted suicide was the most 'memorable'.
I slit the few most deepest cards on my wrist and in my delirious state, I boarded a passing bus.
It was a double decker SBS bus, and I sat at the first level, the long stretch of seats which faces each other.
My wrist was dripping blood like nobody business as I sat there staring into thin air.
A guy came up to me and sat beside me. I do not recall anything about him except that he was wearing a white shirt.
He very calmly asked, 'Excuse me, Do you mind if I pray for you?'
I remember I turned to face him, screamed at him and left the bus on the next stop.
I failed to die that time. And that is the last time I ever attempt suicide again.
(If it was you who came to me, Thank you. It was you who reminded me there is still God.)

After that final suicide attempt, something in me took a huge turn.
I asked my then boyfriend for a bible (he control my finances), I asked if I could go to church...
I found myself suddenly humming 'God would make a way' when I am feeling down and alone.
(For some reaon, he bought the bible and locked in up in his cupboard refusing to give it to me. let alone allow me to go to church)
And all these time, I was never a Christian, but I found myself praying to God to take me out of my misery.
That period, I was constantly thinking about going to church, the bible and constantly crying out to Him.
It went on a few months till I found myself waking up one morning asking,
'Jan, is this how you want to live on for the rest of your life? Is this the guy you want to be with?'
I found something in my head repeatedly telling me, 'Jan, you deserve better.'
It was a tough and difficult period trying to reconcile with friends and family, and getting over the relationship.
But I survived.

When I finally snapped out of my sleep till mid afternoon,
lie dead and stoned infront of the TV, eat and sleep and eat and sleep regime,
I opened the Classifieds and called the first company I saw was looking for a Travel Executive.
The interview was immediately fixed for the next day.

I stepped into the office that day, and was surprised by christian music sounding in the background.
There was even a bible verse on the door of the boss's office.
I passed the interview and was due-ed to start work in a week.
Everything went on so smooth, there wasn't even a need to pause and think.
It turned out that Everyone in the office was a christian, and the Boss is an elder in a methodist church.
My first interview, and it passed, and into a christian travel agency. Coincidence? No way.

It was about 2 weeks into work there that a lady came to visit the boss.
She spoke to me and asked if I'm free on Christmas to watch a play.
Fresh out of a relationship, I grabbed every oppurtunity there was to not be alone,
I agreed on the spot and we exchanged numbers. The lady was Yoon Chyi.

Backtrack to 3+ yrs before that, I was first brought to a church by Miao Hua for an Easter Day service at Indoor Stadium
I was FREAKED OUT by the ppl singing, clapping AND dancing during service.
I was FREAKED OUT by the ppl arond me speaking in Godknowswhat language and tongues.
I was FREAKED OUT by her cellgroup member who relentlessly called me to join them at church again.
I remember swearing there & then. I will NEVER.EVER. step foot into City Harvest Church again.

So fast forward to the Christmas again. I remember I left the office and took a cab down to Jurong.
I only had the address of the location. And had absolutely no idea what church I was going to.
I remember walking into the church thinking maybe svc is in a room in this community centre looking place.
I remember going down the almost never ending staircases and dropping my jaw at the HUGE underground auditorium.
I VIVDLY remember sitting down, picking up a brochure from my seat, and reading out, 'City Harvest Church' in utter shock.
I turned to the guy next to me, Albert, and asked 'Uh... This is City Harvast Church?!'

I remember I was shocked that after so so so many years, God still brought me back to City Harvest Church.
After hiding, turning, prancing around for years, I was brought back to the same church I swore never to go again,
by a person whom I don't know AT ALL, (who we later discover was Miao Hua's friend.) Coincidence?
I had chosen to believe otherwise.

That night at the service, a guy came up to me and asked, 'Hi, Do you want Pastor Sun's CD?'
I remember asking, 'uh... Free one ah?' and I remember the guy replied, 'Oh... Your first time here?'
I nodded my head and he picked up a bag of Sun's journal, CD, Poster and passed it to me.
'Merry Christmas!' He said with a big smile before he turned to walk away.
I later discovered that it was NOT free, the guy had paid out of his own pocket to bless me with it! Thanks Altona :)

I gave my heart to the Lord that night.
I don't believe in coincidences.
The call that stopped me. The guy that wanted to pray for me. The diff people who brought me back to the same church.
The way I had felt myself cry out to him when I was down in the dumps and feeling the lowest.
I believe God planned it this way. It was no coincidence that it happened.
He probably knew I was too resistant against him and took a differnt route to reach out to me :)

I continue to serve on faithfully and fervently for many months.
Even discovering that cell group service was just a few blocks away from my house!!
Things were going on perfectly until I left church one day after a church healing service.
That day, a foreign evangelist had came and asked the people who were hurt and broken to step forward.
It was a week before I was due to go for an interview to help out in the Children's Church Ministry.
As I was being prayed for, I felt myself bursting into tears, I fell back sobbing, and it went on for a long time.
God had taken it away and released it, I was told.
'If you don't guard your heart, the devil would come back 7 times stronger' I was told too.
Then, I smiled and told them not to worry. I would be fine.

But I failed to turn up at cell group, at children's church interview, at church that week.
'I cannot forgive him (my exbf) for all the things he had done to ruin me and my life. How can God forgive me...'
'I cannot release the hurt and hatred I have for him. How can I serve God this way...'

It had been years since that faithful day.
I had long learn to forgive and release the hatred within me.
But I've yet to find the courage, the i-will-not-give-myself-anymore-excuses attitude to finally go back to church for good.
I do however pinch my own arse and drag myself to church on Christmas, during times I want to make major decisions.
I know God is still working in my life and had never given up on me.
I know as I live on, He is watching me and waiting for me to go back into His embrace again.

What I don't know is... What's keeping me away from him...
Maybe the long trip to church... EXPO leh! hahahaah
Oh well... I guess if I could go to Jurong to serve every morning back then... what IS Expo right!

Anyway, this testimony is the reason why I have an unwritten criteria that the man I marry, must be a Christian.
I need a man in my life who would understand why I love God.
Who would not see and brush everything that happens in my life as a coincidence.
Who would cherish everything we would ever have in future as God's plan.
I feel so happy now just talking about how He had worked in my life and how I had came to know Him.

Thank you Lord for giving me my emotionally supportive family,
my close friends who are just so so so caring, the people who had crossed path with me in my life,
the life lessons you had put me through to make me a much more stronger woman today,
and You, for loving me through the days when I hate myself.
Thank You, Lord. Thank you.

*Only because of You, there is me today*

P.s If someone, somewhere is thinking of suicide today.
Tell urself/him/her: If you have the courage to Kill yourself, you have the courage to face up to any and All of your problems.
Believe in yourself. Believe in God who is always knocking at the door of your heart.

2006-03-28T21:37:00.001+08:00

Not funny

I really don't think I'm funny at all.
Ditto for this blog. I don't see how any of my entries are remotely funny.
So... I don't know what's wrong with the guys who set up this Sgfunny.com
but after all their efforts. I thought I would just plug them for being such a blur bunch.

I honestly fail to see how my sexy or provocatively posed pictures would be seen as funny lor.
Besides, other than my clubbing or party or special occasion get ups that I sometimes photograph myself in,
I would never ever post up provocative pictures (naked, lingerie, bikini etc) of myself here, or in anywhere else.
I have self worth one, and I won't share pictures or images of my body out for public scrutiny.

*So there...*

2006-03-28T18:58:00.000+08:00

Shopaholic Updated

Finally found time to put more items in.
This time round one is mostly clothes I bought when I wanted to head back into the studying scene back then. haha
Didn't have the chance to wear alot of them before I decided to head out of the studying scene again :P
Anyway, thanks again for all you gal's support so far :)
Most transactions had went without any glitches and I'm really happy to deal with you all.

*go go go Go Check it out*

2006-03-27T23:15:00.000+08:00

Plan to getaway

For some reasons, I've been thinking alot about travelling the past few days.
Probably stemmed from the memories of the Redang trip I went for exactly a year ago, I guess.
The memories are still so vivid in my mind.
I wonder if he still remembers it as clearly as I do. Perhaps not.

~ * ~

I met Yvonne to head down for church on Sunday,
We've both MIA-ed from our respective church for eons. (More about this on another post.)
So anyway, we went for the morning 10am service andheaded to Suntec after that.

I had been intending to do a short getaway trip and had mentioned in passing to Yvonne about my plans.
So we headed down to the NATAS Fair together to find out if there's any good promo for any destination.
We were deliberating between:

* Australia - I'm For Perth (coz it's the only place in Auzzie I've been, and I like it) She's for Melbourne. (ditto for her. haha)
* Indonesia - Bintan (coz my industry fren was offering me dirt cheap rates) Batam (coz Yvonne could get disc for hotel).
* Malaysia - Tioman, Redang, Langkawi... (coz we wanted a relaxing place that doesn't has shopping involved.)

After a short walk through the Suntec maze,
saying hellos to quite a handful of ex industry friends, browsing through all the different brochures,
I finally settled down at a booth and smiled at Catherine, another ex-industry friend.

Cat: Hey! Where you want to go?
Me: Thinking of cruising. What promo isit now?
Cat: Cruise? WAH LAU! YOU NOT SIAN AH!

I found myself smiling and thinking back about those days when I was in the travel line.
I was in-charge of the cruise department, so I used to whine about going until sian,
and would try to wriggle myself out of those free cruises or onboard meetings.
Actually the meetings, the travelling, the marketing part of the job was pretty appealing,
other than the mundane computer staring moments of coz.
Sorry, I digressed. So anyway,

Cat: Why never go book from your ex?
Me: SIAO! I rather let you earn the money lor!
Cat: How's he? After that time you guys got get back or he got another girlfriend?
Me: He got another girlfriend lah! I then won't go back with him lor!

Catherine is probably one of the few people in the industry who knows about my relationship with my ex.
Coz both of us were(me)/is(cat) in the same situation.
The helping-the-business-coz-dating-the-son-of-the-co's-boss situation.
Strangely, she was the only one who hoped that my ex and I would patch up.
Like... Hello? Back to Mr Strawberry Milkshake who abuses me? -_-
Sorry, I digressed again, so anyway,

Me: So... straight to the point. How much discount you giving me.
Cat: Okay, no bargain lah. I give you 8, I keep 2.
Me: K lah. done deal.

So after some calculation, it's $308 pp (all taxes in) for a 3D2N Redang Cruise for a lvl 6 Window Cabin.
And I'm officially due for a holiday.
Finally... some time to unwind... with the wind in my face... the sun on my back...
the memories in my heart... coz I'm back to where it all begun.

I wouldn't describe the feeling within me as - excited.
More like... receptive to the idea of a getaway.
The kind of feel that brings a wry smile to my face.

*I'll always remember the beautiful Redang moon...*

2006-03-27T14:38:00.000+08:00

Scream

Those emotion-less eyes conceals the inner me from my exterior facade.
So you think you know who you think I am?

*Think again*

2006-03-26T03:25:00.000+08:00

Heh... Who is this Charlotte?

Barffie suddenly told me today that she know who I would be if I'm in Sex and the city.
I've never watched SATC before though I heard alot about it.
So when she told me I am like Charlotte, it got me wondering, 'really meh? how is she like?'
Barffie says coz she's like those PR type of person, then very idealistic about The One,
prim and proper, always nicely dressed and groomed, then something about cannot stand guys who... say wrong things?
I don't honestly recall exactly what she said.
But anyway, so after our dinner and KTV just now, I came home and ran a search on 'Which SATC are you?'
I did the first 3 tests that google churned out for me and... HURHURHUR...

~ * ~

iVillage's SATC test:

You scored Charlotte:
A romantic at heart, you chose the answers that demure Charlotte may have chosen.
Strongly influenced by the intuitive, profound and sometimes naive Water Signs -- Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces
You're like a mother, a mystery and a poet all in one.
Though on the surface you may seem innocent and all about seeking the good in people,
beneath the surface, you hide secret yearnings for intimacy, for attachment and ideal love.
You're seeking a knight in shining armor, a soul mate,
someone who will complete you and tether you to the earth when you get carried away with your fantasies.
You're super-sensitive, soaking up the moods of others; you emote freely, crying at commercials and sappy movies.
You also provide a shoulder to cry on and open arms for hugs.
Be careful that you're not so wide-eyed and trusting that you get taken in by some cunning wolf in sheep's clothing.

~ * ~

Quizilla's SATC test:

Which Sex and the City Character Are You?

Congratulations! You are Charlotte.

~ * ~

OKCupid!'s SATC test:

Charlotte
So...you are most like...

You are most like Charlotte.
Classic and conservative and a little naive.
You believe in love and finding the ONE.

~ * ~

Okay. I give up.
I am a Charlotte. Whoever the hell she is.
Jeffrey say he'll bring me the Season 1 to 4 for me to watch.
I've long wanted to watch, but was told got sex scenes.
And being a person who's quite anal about seeing any sort of porn, I didn't want to subject myself to it.
But they say at most only a few boobies here and there...

So... SEX AND THE CITY, HERE I COME!!!
I mean... when I get my hands on the vcd :D
Hopefully my lappy can watch it. Then don't have to snatch the teebee with my family.

*lalalalala*

2006-03-25T04:44:00.000+08:00

Today

I woke up around noon and turned to check my phone.
My cousin Yvonne (Yep, the one who got hospitalised recently) had smsed to check if I want to head out today.
She had to go to the office to settle her MC and leave stuffs while we had agreed to catch a movie together soon.
So after some msning, dilly dallying (on my part), we finally met 3.30pm at Somerset.
Went to her office to settle her stuffs, and we were soon on our own free time and pace.

Bought a pair of tickets to catch The Date Movie at Lido and we went to do shopping.
A pair of black stilettos caught her eye at Isetan and it was a little too big, and there weren't smaller sizes,
The old salesman who was probably in his... 50s(?) looked for insoles and paddings to fit it in the shoe to let her try.
It fitted really well, but it so happen that the only pair there was a little flawed,
so we asked if it was possible to wait for new stocks or check which branch has it.
He then told us to wait for a moment while he checked stock, we saw him made a phonecall on his handphone,
and he turned to us and told us to wait for 10mins. He got a colleague to pick up a new pair for us.
I was so shocked! Shocked by the fantastic service! Where to find a saleaman in a departmental store who would do all that?
A normal young salesperson would just force a smile at you while you ask all this questions lor!
I is impressed! Uncle, YOU ROCK!

Got some nachos cheese and popcorn chicken and headed to watch the movie.
It is confirmed. I am not into lame laugh-a-minute slapstick jokes movies.
I grinned and bear through the previous Scary movie 2? Can't recall. And this one... another lame one.
Yvonne obviously didn't enjoyed it. I didn't find alot of things funny.
And the amused teens behind me who were laughing & commenting DAMN LOUDLY was irritating the hell out of me.
No like the movie. Waste Moolah. Weekend $8.50 summore...

Went on to do shopping, strolling and chatting.
I had wanted to go to Forever 21 to buy the dress I was eyeing.
But the fitting room queue was THIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Long.
And then, on the rack, there was only one that was my size, and it had some loose strings.
So I took it as a sign, NOT FATED TO BUY! So I ran out before Yvonne could psycho me to buy it.
She damn bad one okay. Offer to pay half and ask me treat it as a present. Make me lose my head quite abit.
But not enough to spend on a dress I might not find myself wearing too often.
So instead, I walked a few doors down to Future State and... HEHEHEHEHE...

NICE RITE! I have a soft spot for laces :P

Saw Shuting, our younger cousin working and went to disturb her in her shop.
After yakking and browsing, Yvonne bought a very nice and feminine looking skirt. Nice lor! Quite cheap summore!
We headed off in awhile to browse around before Shuting called to ask us to meet her for her dinner break.
Went to Wisma's Food Republic and makan while 3 of us yakked and giggled about younger days and random shite.
Shuting soon left and it soon became more serious chatting between Yvonne and I.

We talked about guys, about families, about friends, about our faith, about things women talk about... till nearly 2am.
I felt so glad to have a cousin I could share and confide things in. How rare... how precious...
The feeling of sharing with someone who is an indispensible part of your life - family, is really good.
We plan to head down for church together one of these days :)
We agreed that in life, there are no coincidences, things are planned by God. (More about this another time)

For some reasons, she asked me again about J.
'Don't live your life in regrets,' She advised again.
It had been exactly a month since I last heard him... and a few weeks since... my total heartbreak.
I had tried not to talk about it, you know... Cold Turkey method.
But somehow, many times, memories and feelings are too tangible to ignore.

As I chatted about some aspect of the relationship,
I found myself recalling again how I had started to develope feelings and eventually fall for him.
That feeling of remembering the same warm feeling I felt back then felt assuring, yet empty.
The nostalgic, melancholy mood lingers as I recall the time he first held my hand.
I could almost feel myself waving that cloud hanging over my head as I randomly mentioned some details to her about us.

It was nearly 2 as we took a night rider to her place and I hopped on a cab back to my place from hers.
I boarded the cab, and closed my eyes to rest for awhile.
When I opened my eyes, it was closed to my place and I suddenly notice on the cab's side monitor,
the screen saver was pistures of different parts of Singapore.
That particular picture that was there when I opened my eyes was a night photo of the Raffles Skyscrapers.
I leaned forward to look at the screen and smiled to myself.
I had always like Raffles coz of all my memories of work, friends, and him there.

As the screensaver changed and I leaned back to my seat, a familiar song sounded on the cab's radio and I smiled.
It was a song which I had always associated with J.
I heard it many times on his car and its tempo just catches my ear.
The cab rolled to a stop at my house as it finished its first chorus.
I picked up a $50 bill, passed it to him and left $5 and some coins as tips.
'It's okay really,' He said, waving his hand as I passed him the tips.
I left it on the little sweet basket he had placed at the centre hand rest and said,
'Don't worry about it, it's just that I really like this song, don't mind I take one of your sweets?'
'Yes...Go ahead go ahead. This is a really beautiful song.'
'Good night.' I said as I stepped up of the cab with the melody singing in my head as I hum to the tune.

I took a long shower thinking about why I had decided to give up and how much I still do think of him.
I recently rejected a guy, 'I can't get over someone & it's not fair to anyone if I decide to start dating someone else now',
when he said he didn't mind that I have someone in my heart while I accept him and give him a chance to date me.
I cannot accept this kind of comfort relationship. it's like a rebound sort of relationship.
No matter who the guy is, I wouldnt allow myself to be so selfish to head into it when I know there's someone else in my heart.
I don't understand how this guy is willing to compromise and date someone whom he knows doesn't love him.
I don't and cannot understand the mentalities of guys like that.

I lied down on my bed, played and did a lyrics search for the song I heard on the cab.
I was humming along to it as I try to listen to the lyrics clearly for the first time.
I had never been quite been a person who 'digests' song lyrics.
I don't usually find out what a song means as long as I like the tune.
So when the lyrics search reaped result and I read it once through,
my eye widen and I felt a soft 'Ohhh...' escape my throat...

~ * ~

Quando Quando Quando
(Click to download mp3)

Tell me when will you be mine
Tell me quando, quando, quando
We can share a love divine
Please don't make me wait again

When will you say 'yes' to me?
Tell me quando, quando, quando
You mean happiness to me
Oh, my love, please tell me when

Ev'ry moment's a day
Ev'ry day seems a lifetime
Let me show you the way
To a joy beyond compare

I can't wait a moment more
Tell me quando, quando, quando
Say it's me that you adore
And then, darlin', tell me when

Oh, my darlin', tell me when
Mmm, my darlin', tell me when

~ * ~

No matter how I had convinced myself to give up on this relationship,
and how much I had told myself not to talk about it and give myself time to get over it...
It's not gonna change the fact that I do still love him.

Perhaps, time would heal all wounds.
And perhaps we would both eventually find another which might complement us respectively.
And maybe perhaps we may never even meet or hear from each other again,
but It's not going to change the fact that one year ago, today, he made me smile when he held my hand for the first time.
(Actually I only just realise when I try to search my archives for the exact date it happened.)

It doesn't matter what would eventually happen in the near or far future.
But at this very moment, this very minute, this very second...
I know deep in my heart,

*I still really love him.*

2006-03-24T03:54:00.000+08:00

Singapore Fashion Festival... (hurhurhur)

Begins here.

I is LILY COLE WANNABE! (Riiiiiiight!)

hehehe... Just being narcissistic over mah own body!

NICE RITE?!?!

DAMN NICE RITE?!?!?!?

I don't need to be told that I'm a narcissistic vain pot.
I already know :DDD

Was bored at Wisma and had 30min before my next appointment,
so I went into one of my all time weakness shop - Forever 21 (I think you can see why eh?)
This two dresses caught my eye.
And I am lusting. LustinG. LUSTING!!!
The former is $58. And is very ME.
The later is $48 and I like the minimalistic design.

I is in lurve... *stare at the pictures dreamily*
But I just spent $157 treating my mom to pedicure, my own mani, pedi and some nail care products. *WHINES*
I is damn frigging broke. Lady of leisure cannot anyhow spend lidat one lor!!
Time to prance around to look for some money making oppurtunities.

Anyway, WARNING LADIES!!!
Don't go to The Nail Place at Raffles UOB Centre okay!!
I was at Raffles with my mom to settle some of her insurance policy stuffs, and since we had time,
and I was overdue for a manicure, I told her to go together, my treat lor.
Then ah! That BLARDY place keep trying to sell me their products.
So instead of relaxing and enjoying my usual mani and pedi, I was bombarded with sales talk lor!
And me being me being me being me, I am the sort who would buy things to shut ppl up sometimes one.
So I bought something for my mom and something for myself. ^&%^#@%*&^(#%
At the end of everything when I was there drying my nails, they somemore come try to sell me their packages.
I miss Good Earth Nail Spa. *SOB*
They would never do this to me when I'm trying to relax and enjoy my pleasure time lor!
Boycott The CAO Nail Place. *GRRRRRRRRR*

Just got home from a chillout night with my favourite couple.
Were at The Club Street Bar where their friend was doing an event.
I like their friend. hehehehe. So nice that friend :DDD
The price of drink is not bad. I only paid $10 for each of my house whites.
Barffie's martini was only $8. (But they serve olive IN the lychee martini instead of lychee LOR!)
The 3 piece band that was performing was FANTABULOUS okay!!
They asked if I had any dedications, and they were able to perform on the spot almost whatever I wanted okay!
I am a total sucker for oldies and jazz shite!!!
They is DAMN GOOD!! I am addicted. I is going there next thursday again to hear them.
Reminder to self: BRING CAMERA! heheheheeh

Am gonna go crash.
very tired. had a long and difficult day.
will whine more about it in my next post, IF I don't get too lazy :P
Else you will be reading about my Mos trip tomorrow night. Hiakhiakhiak.
Must finish that DAMN Chivas Whiskey.
tmd. alcohol overload mannnnn.

*zzZZZzzzZzzzZZz*

2006-03-22T20:10:00.000+08:00

Heh...

This is gonna sound damn bad on my part. But whatever...
Caught a few minutes of the Channel 8 show er... Never Say Die or something lidat.
Some competition for those previously rejected idol/star wannabes.
I have to say... I think I'm watching a freak show lor.
Mediacorp damn evil lor. Capitalise on these idol hopefuls to cash in on those call or sms votings.
Really like freak show lor...
Even got (IMHO) our local resident freak - Steven Lim LOR!!!

*shudders*

*IMHO - In My Humble Opinion

P.s add in IMHO coz the Steven Lim dude like to sue people for calling him names.
Own friend kana before, so lawyer friend say hor, if want to give view, just say 'IN MY OPINION' hor, den I am safe liao.
So yea, IMHO, REALLY LIKE FREAK SHOW LORRRRRRR!!!

2006-03-21T16:17:00.000+08:00

Random Rants & Soundbites

Here's some comparisons and a pic of my new clone on the top left hand corner.
In case you're wondering, no, I didn't tweak the sim according to these pictures.
Only after I finish tweaking did I try to look for a somewhat similar photo to run a comparison.

How? Got better anot? slightly less puffy cheeks and the eyes more like me liao rite?
Barffie say the bottom right one - Gal Sassy the nose bridge too high. make me look angmoh.
So I tweak the nose a little too. How how, the top left one look like me anot?
My mom say don't look like at all lor :(

~ * ~

Barffie, Jeffrey and I were at MOS last friday for the Cleo Bachelor Party event and there were alot of celebrities around.
We were at the Vip entrance waiting to enter when I saw the 'supposed' Hottest Blogger - Dawn Yang/Yeo.

Me: Eh. Dawn Yang leh.

Awhile later, she was gone.

Bar: Eh... Where's Dawn Yang?
Me: I think she went in already.
Jef: Oh.. I thought she melted under the heat.
All: WHAHAHAHHAHAA

Jeffrey is evil lor. lol. In case you don't get the joke, it's about her plastic surgery expose last year.

~ * ~

When the Tammy, Nyp scandal just unfold,
I refuse to blog about this for fear of strange hamsup ppl who come in after searching on her name.
But now that it had blew over, time for me to share this conversation between my mom and me.
When I first read about it in the papers, I mentioned it to her in passing remark about how stoopit teens can be nowadays.
A few days later, after the news blew quite out of proportion...

Mom: You know the NYP girl you mentioned the other day?
Me: Yea why... Poor thing ah. Now the whole world watching her have sex.
Mom: Eh. Open and watch it leh
Me: WHAT?!
Mom: See see lah!
Me: WAH LAU EH MOMMY WHY YOU SO KAYPOH!!!
Mom: See only what!
Me: I DUN WATCH PORN LOR!!
Mom: ...
Me: I don't have the video anyway.

See! Knowing my mom is interested in this shite is just as bad as knowing my parents are still haveing sex.
Not that there's anything wrong of coz! It's just that... WAH LAU! Don't tell me mah! I don't want to know lor!
It's damn sick to involuntarily have images of people around you having sex one can!

~ * ~

Was talking to Barffie & Jeffrey on the MSN about me, and... guys in my life.
And we started going into the technical department of er... things.

Me: I don't know why I keep meeting men with bugs.
Barf: Your anti virus system or firewall no good lah.
Me: what no good! It's good okay, it's just that some new virus my system never see before mah.
So unable to detect the new virus, then allow it to penetrate into my system and depatch itself.
Jeff: True. Lidat means not your anti virus no good. is your OS no good!'
Me: Yea lor. Outside strong inside weak.
Jeff: CHANGE THE WHOLE OS LAH!
Me: ... ... ...

Demolish the OS lah. TMD.
Anyway the old palm reading lady already say my life line short.
Probably bout time to kick the bucket liao hor? Hurhurhur

~ * ~

I is bored.
This week, I'm gonna wipe out all my alcohol at Mos.
I need a drinking kaki who preferably don't get drunk and can drive. HIAKHIAKHIAK.

*Dum Di Di Dum Deee Dum Dum*

2006-03-21T01:14:00.000+08:00

About Sex Education

[Warning: Pics and links ahead are NSFW. Don't say I didn't warn you. The links got sound also one hor.]

It is important lah.
Like if I haven't seen this Super Advance 'Sex Education' er... 'Videos',
I probably won't had realise what I've been missing out on.
MAN... I really didn't know there are like... *cough* so many interesting, acrobatic shite involve in sex.
I know much less than half of the shite in there.
I is noob.

Therefore, I start from the begining.
And I learn from the Sims. hehehehe
I just realise today that 'WooHoo' means Have sex.
I don't know and don't want to know why.
Anyway, I realise if I put my Sims in good mood, and make them relax on the bed...
(Wanted to put them in sexy lingerie, but... I cannot find the lingerie in the wardrobe leh. how huh?)

making the bed

relaxing and... waiting for each other?

caressing

holding hands...

gal hugging guy. coz i too excited to get them going. then accidentally make the ger make a first move. Damn!

kakaka... In the end still guy on top. so predictable.

Oh... No more liao...
They were about to get down to it... but then Gal Sassy had to go to work. Bleah...
Sims cannot take leave one. Else I make them both take leave to stay home and make out. HAHAHA

It's days like this when it really sucks being a single. *shifts uncomfortably on my bed*
Anyway, talking about all this cartoon 'porn thingy', I'm honestly quite... taken aback.
I've always been really anal about porn. And honestly, i'm not very open minded about it.
I cringe at the idea of seeing other people at it. I mean... shouldn't sex just be be between the parties involved.
Why look at others or allow others to look at you? *cringe cringe cringe*

The closest contact I had with porn is strange pop ups from some free downloads websites,
and chancing upon naked/porn cds/mags in people's house. (of which I would ignore and pretend I didn't see it.)
In fact, I vividly remember the first time I encounter porn.
Jassy & I were at her house, surfing the net together when a naked woman popped up on the screen.
We got a huge shock, stared at the screen, screamed our 'OH MY GOD(s)' and closed the pop up. hahahaha.

So when I first saw the 'Sex Education' cartoon thingy,
I was like... 'WAH! SO EXPLICIT AH!'
But seeing it was (1)cartoon, (2)suppposedly sex education, (3)names of position that makes me go, WTH?
I decided to check it out further.
Am impressed by how many possible positions there actually are in sexplay.
Needless to say, I really doubt how all the positions in there are really... that... erm... enjoyable.

In any case, I decided not to play the Sims game until daybreak again today.
Need to catch up on some much needed rest.
Meanwhile... hurhur... I think I'm gonna go take a cold shower.

*ZzzzZzZZzz*

P.s Btw, pre marital sex is *cough* bad hor.
I just managed to get my Sims engaged to each other. A diamond ring no less.
So there, they are MARRIED then I let them hanky panky one okay. HAHAHA. so moral abiding hor? kakaka

2006-03-20T16:46:00.000+08:00

Presenting... The Sassy Family

And finally, here are the pictures of the Sims I had tweaked for HOURS.
Gal Sassy suppose to look like me lah. but for some reason, look abit strange.
Guy Sassy tweaked out of my imagination as a normal local guy. I prefer chinese. so no burly Ang Moh for me. hehehe
See! I look fat unlike normal model-like Sims? :DDD

Gal & Guy Sassy

And here's a close up shot.
For some reasons, Sims don't allow much adjustment to the face length and stuff. So it looks a lil long. yea.
I know Gal Sassy's eyes look weird. It's the eyeliner makeup that I put on her.

Gal & Guy Sassy face

And this is the house I've built for them.
Can't see the interior ah. Inside very minimalist design. Most things are either black or white.
They are pretty well to do and have almost everything that they can possibly ask for.
Coz I use cheat code. then they got alot of money to build and furnish the house. HAHAHA

I like the feel of the place. And coz I hate climbing staircases, i made it a one level penthouse :)
With my favourite swimming pool in it :) alot of glass door and open concept tingy. heheh
This, had been laughed at many times over. And called the CLASSIC janise moment.

Gal Sassy playing computer in ~~the buff~~ her undies! WHAAHAHHAHA
I refuse to download the naked 'skin' to let my Sims 'wear'! So obscene lor!
And there's even a Nude Patch that can remove the mosaic boxes when the sims bathe or pee pee. hahaha

Anyway, what do you think of Gal Sassy?
Look like me anot? Comment leh! Recently like no one comment liao :(((

*Meanwhile, BACK TO MY GAME! haha*

2006-03-19T22:45:00.000+08:00

About Horoscope, Zodiac Signs & Palmistry

As a Christian, it is not of my faith to believe in either of these things.
Besides, I don't believe the entire human race's characteristics can be 'read' or depicted,
by some star signs, animals, and some lines which developed on our body.
In my disbelief, I usually do not read, listen or discuss these issues.

But sometimes... Just sometimes...
Some things that are said, do indeed strike a chord or two in me...

I was visiting Yvonne in the hospital when an old lady came to talk to us.
I guess she was feeling lonely and decided to chat with us.
She held my right hand and smiled at me before looking long and hard at my palm.
In other occasions, I would had withdraw my hands and told her not to say a thing.
But I was so at ease there, and she was afterall an old lady who's sick.
I won't want to be responsible for upsetting or agitating her in any way.
So I allowed her to continue.

~ * ~

She looked up at me after staring at my palm.
'You're a happy-go-lucky girl,' She said smiling.

I smiled back and thought, that probably isn't hard to tell.
My cheerful demeanor seldom seem otherwise.
A very superficial analysis I thought.

'Do you have a boyfriend?' She asked.

I pondered and frowned before saying, 'No.'

She turned down to look at my palm again with deep concentration.
'Two,' she said before looking up.

I pulled back my hand immediately and asked,
'How do you tell?'

'Two.' She repeated again, ignoring my question.
She reached out for my hand again, and I obliged.

'It's very blur though. Those lines.' She said,
looking down at my palm again.

I found my curiosity building in me.
'What does that mean? Those blur lines refering to my love life?'

'Very blur, can't tell.' She said before she venture into another area.
'Your life line is quite short.' She paused and looked again.
'Alot of interferance. Crossed and messy.'

I withdraw my hand and snapped out of that momentary belief in her words.
I forced a giggle and turned to my cousin saying,
'Haha.. Lidat I've met the two men in my life already,
and already, my life alot of crossroads. Somemore now say my life line short.
Means about time for me to die le leh! hahahaha'

Yvonne stretched out her hand to the old lady.
'You take things too hard in your life.' She said in a soft voice.

I kept quiet and listened on,
feeling quite taken aback by all the coincidences that she had said so far.

~ * ~

I didn't like the sense of uneasiness I felt in me after she made more 'revelations' throughoout that session.
I would had much prefered to not let these 'energy' be it positive or negative,
make any influence in my life or in my impending actions.

More often than not, I've been told I display classic pisces characteristics.
And as much as I refuse to be associated with believing in the supernatural,
I often found myself nodding to the attributes which are told to me.
The emotional, intuitive, creative little thangs which seem to depict my own world.

I guess there are times which I wonder how true and how reliable this things are.
But whatever it is, I draw a line at hearing and prefer not to make discussions abt it.
Besides, with all the secrecy around my age, telling my zodiac sign is just so Not smart.

Whether if all these are accurate or true, I really don't want to know.
I just believe God has his own plans for me and if I am to go through anything,
I would rather be a willing party than to fight hard against the 'planned'.
So there... If you know any 'supernatural' things about me,
Please, keep them to yourselves.

I really don't want to know.
Really Really don't want to know a thing.
Because sometimes, there's just no point in knowing.
I've encountered, went through, and learnt.

*Ignorance is blissed*

2006-03-19T14:12:00.000+08:00

Random Rants

Games are evil.
I didn't sleep the whole night and was up till 8am before I finally gave in and crashed.
So now finally, I've finish customising and tweaking my 2 Sims,
downloaded TRUCKLADS of fashionable togs for 'myself',
done up a pretty nice penthouse for me and my 'roomie'.

I did something really stoopit though.
But in the game of Sims, It probably doesn't matter.
I was afraid of being lonely in the game, so I got myself a partner.
Can utilise the Hug and kiss features.. Oh... and Can share workload also. hehehhe
So in the SASSY family, now there's 2 ppl living inside -Gal Sassy & Guy Sassy.

And coz I want to slowly develope their feeling for each other,
I refuse to start them of as each other's spouse.
Love must both side willing one mah. So I make them roomies. (like roommates share house.)
BUT WHAT THE HELL. NOT MARRIED, SAME SURNAME, LIVE TOGETHER...
TMD!!! I JUST UNINTENTIONALLY CREATED A PAIR OF 'SIBLINGS' TO COMMIT INCEST!!!

Anyway, I'm pretty sure they would be engaged in no time.
I am afterall a really caring and nice roomie to have :P
Anyone have any idea how I can do screen captures or minimise the game window on my mac?
I want to show you people pictures of my roomie and me leh!
Every single feature from eyes, nose, mouth, ear, face shape, is slowly tweaked for 4hrs+ one k!
I tried to make a replica of myself, even made myself FAT okay!
Then again, in Sims, you're either Average or Model thin.

I had wanted to stay in the whole of today to check out more about the game and all..
But... ALAS, I just received news that my cousin, Yvonne is in hospital.
Granny said it was something about holes in her gastric?
Not too sure yet, but am about to head down to see her in awhile with my mom and uncle.
I was just asking her to join me to go to the Cleo Bachelor Party lor :(
I is worried.

Feel like going to her house, pick up her iBook, install my Sims 2 into her com,
and bring it to the hospital for her to play when she's bored.
But I have absolutely no idea what is her condition now.
I had better get going. Will update later.

*yawnz*

2006-03-18T17:32:00.000+08:00

Eat, Drink, ~~Merry~~

And so yesterday I dragged myself out of my bed and got my arse down to Wheelock.
But being the lazy arse that I am, instead of bringing my lappy there,
I only brought down my lao ya pok battery.

While waiting for the pretty long queue,
I browsed around and decided to put the $30 Apple Centre Voucher that Dionne gave me for my birthday, into good use.
Hehehe... I bought...

Now, pardon me if I start to blog less and concentrate on my game.
I LOVE SIMS!!!! hahahahaha. I've been eyeing it for EONS,
and finally bought it... 69 Buckaroos leh. Mac Version things are always expeinsive.

Anyway, turn out the Apple Centre don't allow me to just bring in my battery for exchange.
They want my whole lappy in too :(((
Minimum 3 days! :(((
And considering I just bought my game, and I can't play it on my PC desktop.
I is going to feel absofrigginglutely miserable *sigh*

After leaving Apple Centre, headed to Far East Square to have dinner with my favourite couple.
I love Raffles Place. More about that another day.
So I slowly walked through the rush hour crowd, and down the familiar route.
Bumped into some familiar faces, exchanged a few smiles, and headed into Bumbu.
Quite a nice place. Economical and nice Indonesian food.
Barffie & Jeffrey soon came, we ate, yakked, drank, yakked... yakked... yakked.

It was about 9.15 when we went into MOS.
Let's just say... It was too crowded and had WAYYYYY hell lot of strange people.
By strange I don't mean those people have like 3 eyes or 1 ear or watever.
But alot of them really don't fit into the usual clubbing crowd.
I swear I saw hell lot of AUNTIES, AH PEKS, and strange men with a wing of young scantilly dressed non-Singaporean gers.
Thank God it was a casual chillout night for us and we 3 were dressed in casual jeans get up.
Oh... and you guys probably know by now that I'm not a big fan of...

CROWDS

So we went into Pure Room, got out our bottle of vodka, martell & chivas and
sat down in front of the TV which was showing the live telecast of downstair's activites...

Cleo *cough* eligible bachelors

So... hurhur.. sorry people. No picutres of any eligible bachelors.
They seem to be playing some pretty lame games and the expected striptease dance when I glanced at the Tv a few times.
I was more interested in my alcohol.

We were initially determined to finish our alcohol yesterday night.
But turn out, we had a 1/4 bottle of 42 Below Vodka, 1/3 of Martell and... nearly a full bottle of chivas whiskey.
Did I mention... there were only 3 of us -_-

Thank God for the wild party on my birthday and the couple of times I went there with my crazy clubbing buds,
I've chalked up enough of a reputation to have my Chivas's dateline to be extended.
So we downed the liquor, and... you won't believe this, but they actually have...

Ikan Bilis!!

And finally after some dancing, drinking, yakking, socialising, AND
bumping into friends, Daniel, Dong, Brian, Alex, Leo, Young to name a few,
I finally bumped my way out of the club, half sprouting emo nonsense to Barffie & Jeffery.
This is not a good sign >.<
Anyway, I woke up this morning and saw Daniel's present in the bag I carried back :D

He, bought wine from Auzzie for my birthday prezzie!
HEHEHEHEE!! DESSERT WINE LEH!!! I LOVE DESSERT WINE!!!

I is happy :D

Was gossiping with Jeffrey just now about the SIMS game and discussing hell lot of shite.
From how to kill a sim, to their clothes, to who should I 'make' in the game,
to 'if-i-were-to-put-this-detestable-character-in-my-game-i-would-kill-ppl-in-her-house-to-let-her-live-with-ghosts'
to... hell lot of other nonsense. HAHAHAH

I can't wait to submerge myself into the virtual world.
At least in that world, there's no such thing as a heartbreak.

*sigh*

P.s This post is VERY badly written, and I know that.
But I think the leftover alchohol, the hangover headache, and the lack of slp coz of my anxiety to play SIMS,
is not really helping my literary flair. Hurhurhur

2006-03-16T21:00:00.000+08:00

CLEO BACHELOR PARTY

Need I say more?
I'll be there ;P

*Where would YOU be?*

P.s No choice got to go. My leftover alcohol from my party on 17th february all due liao.
Must.Go.And.Finish.It before it goes to waste!

2006-03-16T20:41:00.000+08:00

About overseas calls

There's something exceptionally heart warming about receiving a message or call from overseas.
It's just that tingling feeling in your heart that goes, 'Hey, somebody's thinking of... Me?!'
Be it a friend, a family, a love one... The same feelings mingles.

I was just a young girl when my dad had to go to China for a month to oversee his business there.
I remember those days, I would ask my mom when is daddy coming home, and rush to pick up the phone whenever it rings.
I remember the one time when I spoke to dad for an exceptionally long time,
and he told me he couldn't get to sleep because the aircon there was very noisy.
Then he went on to say how the seafood there was really cheap and really good.

It was so long ago, but I remembered.
Because I know miles and miles away, Daddy was thinking of Me :)

And then there were the other guyfriends in my life who came and went.
The how u doing/good night/take care messages that whizz in from thousands of miles away...
and straight into my heart.

Somehow, these gestures had always came only from guyfriends. (Besides, Jassy of coz :P )
Perhaps it's because I have closer guyfriends. Or perhaps, only guyfriends care enough.
But many times, these gestures cease to exist the moment you go by the 'honeymoon' stage.
Don't be mistaken though, many didn't do it coz of the 'L' word. Some are just genuine platonic friends.

Like recently, Daniel, the arsehole of a friend who went to Auzzie with his girlfriend on my birthday,
messaged me 'Happy Birthday' from there.
I replied asking who is it coz apparently I think he used an Auzzie line to send out that message,
and I was wondering how come I have a foreign friend who remembers my birthday.
So when he replied me, I was shocked that (1) he remembered (2)he bothered to wish me from so far away.
But me being me being me, replied, 'Idiot lah! Waste my handphone bill to reply to your overseas line!'
On my face, was a smile that got stuck there for quite awhile though. hehe

And that smile came upon me again when I received a call today from Mr T.
I was telling him yesterday about going for the job interview and was getting all bimbotic about going for a manicure before it.
Then earlier today, he msg to ask me how the interview, and amidst my ramblings on the sms, he called.
And then I realise, Oh yea hor! He is in Shanghai leh! He called me from miles and miles away to find out how it went lor!
In all my excitement, I went all giggly and started rambling on in the conversation.
Then me being me being me said, 'Eh! Don't waste money to msg and call me lah!' before we hunged up.
I is touched! :D :D :D

I can feel that tingling warm feeling again. hehe. So nice to have friends who care :)))
And it doesn't really have to be from that many many many miles away lah. really!
(Though being thought of VERY VERY VERY far away does increase the level of 'touchness'. whahahah)
Like for e.g. just a few Kilometres away on the other end of the island,
My favourite couple would often msn/email/sms me to check on me and take turns to hear my rantings :D

Sometimes, I feel so blissful to be who I am.
There really isn't all that much to complain about really.
All the shite that had strewn itself on me aside, I really have God's blessings over me.
Thanks for being around me, friends, family, readers and all.
It's a 'I feel good' day, and I really feel good today :)

*smile*